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Body Image: “How can this body be sexy?”
Sep 06, 2011
Image via Wikipedia
Fact: Americans are inundated every day with an average of 5,000 messages telling us our looks are important to our survival. Women are targeted 11 times more than men. The message is: women should fear aging, be unusually thin, and have flawless skin if they want to attract a man who will keep them safe the rest of their lives.
American culture teaches us to “look our best.” Our parents teach us from young to “look good.” We ask our friends “How do I look?” It starts young, and without great fanfare. As we grow, we are bombarded with advertising that teaches us we can always improve. Our self-image can make or destroy how we feel about ourselves.
Damaged self-image leads to isolation, depression, and missed opportunities. This was once mainly prevalent among women. However, poor self image is now mainstream to men, women and children. Very young children are critical of each other, which then sets in place the road map a child may follow.
If yourself image is poor, I want you to know how lovely you are in God’s eyes. I want you to exude confidence no matter what your age, size or status. Your confidence is a gift you give to yourself and this world.
Our Pet is a Family Member
Sep 01, 2011
A three-year-old labradoodle. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Our Pet is a Family Member
If you haven’t met our newest staff member Hoop, please come by. She is a one-year-old Poodle, who is a Therapy Dog here at the Aspen Center and at local hospitals. She has taught us a great deal in the years we have had her. Like other animals and pets, she gives unconditional love. What a rare gift to find in this world!
I have seen people learn to trust, relax, have better social interactions, and have their moods changed through the loving gift that is Hoop.
On a hectic day here in the office, I have Hoop to remind me of the simpler things in life, to take some time to cuddle and relax. Animals have relaxation down to a science. Many studies show the health effects of being with animals. They remarkably reduce depression, lower blood pressure, provide comic relief, help us overcome many social anxieties, and so much more. Please stop by for a visit with Hoop. She would love to be your friend too.
When pets becomes part of the family, the loss of our pet is sometimes as difficult if not more difficult than losing a family member. Many people are so hurt by the loss they won’t open their hearts to another animal. I understand this loss and am skilled at helping get through this passage. Call our office for an appointment and start the healing.
OCD: Unwanted and Intrusive
Jul 05, 2011
Image via Wikipedia
My friend’s son got a bite from a spider, and the expanding infection was even painful to look at. It was itch-y to think about. It made me want to scratch myself.
Having OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is like having an insect bite you’re not supposed to scratch. It becomes a persistent itch that will not be ignored. Overlook it if you want, but the discomfort will build to an unbearable level, until you’re out of your mind. Your body screams….Scratch me! However, when you do, there will only be a moment of relief: The venom has spread. The agony of the itch begins again, and then again. OCD has a life of its own, and it is robbing you of your life. The life you live will continually shrink as you avoid people and situations that trigger your OCD.
The prevalence of OCD is on the rise: Billy washes his hands until they are red, Sam takes three showers a day, both are late to work. Patti has intrusive sexual thoughts and feels horribly guilty, Marty is driving his wife nuts with his precise organization. Paula fears being humiliated and withdraws from relationships. We hear your stories. We know OCD is a debilitating condition.
We were meant to live lives of freedom, courage and peacefulness, and at the Aspen Center we fight for our clients to live in the fullness they were created for. I am grateful for our strong alliance with the OCF – Obsessive Compulsive Foundation. I love being part of the restoration in people’s lives.
The Secret war On Women
Mar 29, 2011
Playing Dress Up (Photo credit: ohsohappytogether)
The Secret War on Women
Women have been fighting a secret war in America without air support, adequate supplies and masculine support. Morale to fight back is at an all time low.
The war women face daily centers on their Body Image. Body Image is how a person feels about their body. A good body image reflects a woman filled with confidence, which men say is the most attractive feature of a woman.
The media continually sets unrealistic standards for weight, appearance and aging. Constant exposure to media images of unrealistic women produces depression, low self-esteem, insecurity, jealousy, cosmetic surgeries and unhealthy eating habits.
80-90% of American women are dissatisfied with their looks. 1 in 4 women use unhealthy weight control. 1 in 6 women have been sexually assaulted and many hide their beauty to protect themselves from attracting another assault. They spiral between feeling dowdy and using unhealthy means to control their appearance. 90% of dieters regain the weight they lose, and the diet industry is now a 100 Billion dollar a year industry.
The typical woman sees 400-600 media images a day, hears testimonies and reads articles about surgery, cosmetics, diet and aging. These picture essays are strategically sandwiched between articles of how they need these products to be relationally attractive. The media ignores the truth that people are attracted for a variety of reasons including intelligence, talent, empathy, faith and a sense of humor.
Todays ideal woman is portrayed as thin, big chested and flawless. Eating disorders have increased 400% since 1970 and the mortality rate is still 50%. Women are unfairly frightened of aging. No one is taught that as women age they can become more beautiful in deeper, more sensual and loving ways.
Instead, the corporations are there to sell frightened girls the products they now believe they need to achieve this fantasy level of happiness. It’s a covert war for dollars, greed is the motive and women’s self esteem is the casualty. The younger generation doesn’t have a choice to be influenced or not, their choice was made for them by corporate avarice.
Women long to reveal beauty, first in themselves then in the source of their beauty: the God who created them. Together we must wake up a nation being led into the suppression of a woman’s true beauty.
Something Everyone Should Know About Sex
Mar 25, 2011
aren’t they cute? (Photo credit: Napoléon et la bêtise)
I love to talk with people about sex. By sex, I mean real sex – intimate connections between lovers who share a deep, honest and close relationship. The times when two souls are reflected through their eyes, and their bodies touch with an excitement and arousal that is born anew every time. For the lover, every time they undress, it is as if it were the first time. They continually rediscover they are naked and not ashamed.
Sex is a heightened awareness of being alive, and of being together in this aliveness. This is why eros makes us feel so alive. It’s a language of be-ing together. Sexuality is an intimate language spoken between two adults. Lovers enter a mystery where conveying what they celebrate in the other will amplify their own pleasure. In desiring the other, their hunger intensifies the responsiveness of the other. Lovers feel a mysterious participation in something much larger than themselves. Most report an oceanic oneness when they are making love. Time is distorted, the world outside of themselves disappears. They are in a lover’s trance. An erotic altered state.
Lovers speak a language deeper than words. They communicate with sounds and movements and gazes far beyond what words and syntax could possibly convey. When sensual intimacy is uninhibited it becomes a bond which cements the lovers together against all odds. Love finds new ways to liberate the imprisoned heart. When sex is expressed with another, we often end up discovering our own hearts in ways we never knew were possible.
Which is why those who have hidden their hearts from love’s ultimate conversation have limited their capacity to communicate. Those who have separated their body from their soul, find their connections with others to be restricted and lacking in vitality.
Sex is not for the childish. This is why those who ignore the desires of their hearts can miss out on the life they were given. Every reader of this blog must understand, sex alone is not life, it only points to life. Everyone should know that sex can be an immensely spiritual encounter, leading us to see, hear and taste a life that extends far beyond the bedroom.
THE LADY IS A GODDESS – Part 2
Mar 07, 2011
“The Lady is a goddess”
Part 2
Review from part 1:
- All women are potential goddesses
- A goddess is a spiritual person
- A goddess gives life
- A goddess inspires
A goddess shows her appreciation
A woman who shows appreciation for the men in her life will never be at a lack for male attention. Allow me to illustrate…
In the classic Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” George Bailey has just dished away his honeymoon money to save the town from falling under the miserly hands of the greedy bank owner. He’s done a good thing, but now he has nothing, no honeymoon, no money. He didn’t take his bride on a honeymoon, and doesn’t know how she’s reacting. Will she understand how he followed his heart, or will she be angry he messed up their special time together?
His friend, Ernie, the cab driver is instructed to pick him up at the end of the day and takes him to the old run down home, the newlyweds used to dream about owning when they were teenagers. It’s pouring rain, the rickety place is full of leaks, they have no electricity, it’s in awful shape. His new bride, Mary, again shows the kind of character she is made of. She has transformed the living room into a couple’s hideaway. She has salvaged a bad situation.
Candles illumine the dingy dwelling. A chicken is roasting in the fireplace, the rotisserie turning by the spin of the record player. The music is romantic. The settings are meager. She is in the dress she would have worn on their honeymoon is a vision of beauty for George to lay eyes on. At his lowest moment, she shows she loves him and believes in him. His response? He kisses her with passion.
If he’s a good man, and I think he is, he will honor this woman all the days of his life.
A woman who shows appreciation for men in spite of all the dopey things we do, and because of all the cool stuff we do, is truly on her way to being a legendary goddess. She will have no end of men wanting to give her attention.
Most importantly, the definitive quality that separates mere mortals from divine goddesses…
A goddess is sensual
A goddess is a woman who is comfortable in her skin. She is a woman fully alive to her body. She takes responsibility for her own sexual pleasure.
A woman fully alive is a glorious creature, fully divine, and is fully aware of her sensuality.
By this I do not mean she is barely clothed, sexy and slinky like a plastic “Barbie” doll or Hollywood icon. What is meant is that she is inspires men, appreciates men, understands men. A sensual woman is aware of being a sensual woman. She has the power to move people to action. After all, men fought wars over women, wrote songs, painted paintings, won competitions for women. Women are incredibly powerful in society.
Every woman of any age, race, size or heritage can be this kind of sensual. Every woman has the potential for being a goddess. That so few women have taken the time to explore their divine femininity is why I raise our consciousness around women’s issues whenever I have a platform for doing so.
A goddess is a messenger
A classy woman knows there is a spiritual beauty much greater than she can possess. Yes, she draws her man to her, she inspires him, arouses him, but she knows she is only a beautiful reflection of the great and ultimate reality. There is One who is the creator of beauty. She connects her men to the spiritual source of all beauty.
The awareness of being a messenger of ultimate beauty gives her confidence as she ages. As a woman gets older she becomes more, and more beautiful to the men who value the beauty of a woman’s heart.
There’s so much more to say about being a goddess, if you want me to continue just let me know, I’d be happy to.
I would love to hear your experiences with goddesses. Please write and tell me about the women you know who qualify as goddesses and tell us how women have clearly missed their goddess calling. Writing to me gives me permission to print your story, and respond to you.
THE LADY IS A GODDESS – Part 1
Mar 05, 2011
Meg Ryan (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)
The Lady is a Goddess
Part 1
All women are potential goddesses
Women are the hot topic, they always are. I love talking to women and about women. I was interviewed by my friend, Gail for her radio program. We had a stimulating interview about honoring the women in our lives. The broadcast has been added to the website so you can hear the entire show. (Gail Bongalis at the Universal Hope Radio – www.sqr.fm)
Gail led the interview with an interesting question. Some people in the church have had a problem with the term goddess. How can we describe a woman as a goddess in ways that are comfortable to the people cautious with New Age terms. Crud (the nice version of “oh crap.”) I had gotten out of touch with that possibility. The circles I move in are so comfortable with the term, I had forgotten others were still uncomfortable with the term. I didn’t mean to become insensitive, I had simply become comfortable with my own use of the term. It was a good question on her part, and sensitive to those uncomfortable with the term. So we talked about what it means to refer to women as goddesses. I am adding thoughts here that I did not elaborate on the radio.
A goddess is a spiritual being
The term goddess is used to recognize the spiritual nature of a woman. A woman has a spiritual body as well as a physical and mental body. Ancient wisdom tells us… God has made everything beautiful…He has set eternity in their hearts…yet they could not understand Him. Not a New Age concept at all. A woman’s spirit connects her to eternity. If a man pursues a woman, the discovery will lead him to the heart of God.
Spirit is the energy source of a woman’s beauty and allure. She is captivating to men. She is energy he needs; he could spend a lifetime getting to know her. She is always new to him, if he sees the adventure in knowing her. Every morning is a new day to discover more about the women in a man’s life.
In the movie “City of Angels” the human (Meg Ryan) offers the Angel (Nicholas Cage) a piece of fruit, a peach I think it was. What does it taste like he asks, and she offers him a bite. But he wants to know what it tastes like to her. That captures the intrigue a man could have with a woman – what does it taste like to you? What does it feel like to you? Look like to you? I want to know you, and your experience of life. This is good romance baby.
A goddess gives life
In every faith, culture, time and location in the world, women are referred to as “life-bearers.” Something men have yet to do. Not only do women give birth to a life that can exist outside their bodies, women are also connected to everything in their environment and give life by creating and revealing beauty wherever they are. They paint, clean, decorate, beautify, spruce, nest, nurture, re-arrange, and basically make wherever they are into a home. Most bachelors can live just fine with bare walls for months, bring a woman into the mix and within days she has art on the walls, color, plants and good smells in his place.
A goddess inspires both men and women
Women are created to be noticed. Women crave to be seen and enjoyed. Their presence disrupts the masculine egocentrism, and this is good. Even the most professional woman will not tolerate being ignored. Women interrupt the self-centerness of the masculine energy and remind men to celebrate life.
The feminine allure entices and inspires men to great heights of courage, bravery and self sacrifice. A woman, when she is a goddess becomes a muse, inspiring men to greater acts of creation than if left to his own inspiration.
No man is safe from the beauty inherent in the female. Every woman has the potential to be noticed by men in a very good way. By design, a woman is creative, generous, curvaceous, relational. Women are radiant, alluring, and sensual. They radiate life, and men are drawn to the life women offer them. A true goddess directs men to the source of life
Women can make the worst conditions tolerable because of their presence, and how they relate to the world around them. A goddess never hides beauty, hers or others. She encourages other women to shine brightly, making room for all women to share the attention. She lives to affirm that all women have the possibility of being creative, fascinating and captivating.
This blog is getting longer than I thought. Let me hold us here, and finish in my next blog. If the readers have any thoughts to add, send them to me, all responses are welcomed. You may have additional insight to tell me about, add personal stories about the incredible nature of women, and you may have a differing view you want to talk to me about. Writing to me gives me permission to print your story, and respond to you.
Dr. Jones
Sacred Sexuality
Jan 07, 2011Sex awakens our spirit. I speak to you of a mystery being revealed: though it has been with you from the day of your birth, it existed before you were born. You can always understand more of it, but will never understand all of it. What is it? … your sexuality. This is not a mystery hidden from us, but graciously revealed to us. Sacred Sexuality is this mystery revealed to us.
Sexuality is the deepest reality about God and humans. Sex is incredibly important to God, and essential to us. Male & Female together reflect the nature of God. Sexuality reflects the core identity of God.
When sexual connection is broken it is the most painful experience in human existence. The pain of broken relationship is the core pain that drives the addictive appetite. Sex trafficking has surpassed Drug trafficking, social networking only surpassed sex searches in the internet this month. The porn industry took an 80% reduction because the internet is flooded with people putting personal sex videos on the internet for others to see. 85% of American women are dissatisfied with the romance they are receiving, and most men won’t take the time to learn how to be more intimate. There’s no question about it, sex is broken.
My work at the Aspen Center seeks to address the guilt and shame that surround sex for most people. We want to bring Heaven into the Earthly experience of sexual intimacy.
Sacred Sex is for romantics. Sacred Sex is about being fully alive, about saying “Yes” to everything God says about your life. We honor God in all that we do. We encourage men to bring their strength to their relationships, and women to bring out their inner beauty in the security of men who honor and protect them. We seek to restore Heavenly sexuality to those who have been abused, hurt, rejected, shamed and ignored. We seek to restore freedom and dignity to those who have been hurt. Ours is a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere of growth.
It Hurts
Oct 11, 2010Yes, thank God she didn’t give herself to him physically, because that would only make this pain oh, a billion times worse. When we get physically intimate our brain releases a cuddling hormone that cements the two of us together. If he doesn’t love you after that event, it’s like sticking a lightening bolt into your heart and staking you to the ground with it. It really hurts.
Another woman described it as … “Being lonely, sad, depressed, a little lost maybe, it feels like there is no purpose in life, self confidence deserts you – it hurts like crazy!”
Many people who have been hurt by being unloved have taken to protecting themselves from further love by closing off to loving anyone else. It seems like a natural defense against pain. It is our human way of protecting ourselves from pain.
When I was in college and my then girlfriend broke up with me, I thought the pain would kill me. The heartache was distracting, unpredictable, and unmanageable. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or breath without pain. It hurt to see her, hurt worse to see her with another guy, and all I wanted was our relationship back the way it was. But it would never return to the way it was after that.
The wisest advice I received was from my friend, Lisa Blankenship. She said something like, “Let it hurt for a time. Your heart is like a balloon right now, it stretched out to hold more love than ever before, it takes time to retract. Your capacity for sadness increases your capacity for love in the future.” Either that, or she said, “Forget about her, how bout them Dodgers?”
The Beauty of a Woman
Oct 11, 2010See Beauty? See God.
Beauty shows us God. Beauty is the truest reflection of God. God can be described in a lot of different ways, but if He is not called beautiful, His essence has been missed. Beauty is the deepest expression of who God is. One thing I asked of the Lord, to dwell in the house of the Lord forever and behold His beauty. Psalm 27:4
It is the nature of a woman to be, and radiate beauty. In her mind, emotions, spirit, body, relationships, and creativity, each woman has beauty simply by being who she is. Like God, it is the core of who she is.
The Power of Beauty
Beauty is powerful beyond measure. Beauty has sparked land wars, crime, fits of jealousy, and the majority of murders every year in America. Beauty has also been the catalyst for why men write songs, play sports, take risks, build buildings, conquer new land, get sober and the list goes on. Beauty in women have inspired the worst and the best in others, but always a passionate response.
Beauty Relaxes us
A woman at rest is comfortable to be with. She is comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stops holding its breath. You relax and believe it’s all going to be alright.
A woman might be physically beautiful to look at, but only when she’s at rest is she comfortable to be with. This is why a woman who is striving is so disturbing to be with. A woman not at rest tells the world, be tense and alert, something could go wrong at any moment.
Beauty Invites us to life
Recall what it is like to hear a truly beautiful piece of music. It captures you; you want to sit down and just drink it in. The same is true for a beautiful garden, or scene in nature. You want to enter in, explore it, partake of it, feast upon it.
When something is “captivating” it draws you in, holds your attention, you can’t look away, you want to spend time with it. These are all the responses God wants from us. A woman wants these responses also. Beauty invites us to partake of life.
The Christian group, Mercy Me sings these lyrics in their song: I Can Only Imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Beauty Nourishes.
Our souls thirst to be nourished. A woman’s breast is among the loveliest of all God’s works, and it is with her breast that she nourishes a baby. The way beauty nourishes us.
A woman’s body is one of the most beautiful of all creations. It nourishes, offers life. She is a profound metaphor for beauty itself.
CS Lewis said – we do not merely want to see beauty, we want something that is more – we want to be united with it, pass into it, receive it into ourselves.
This is why parents and grandparents think their kids are so cute they could just “eat them up.”
Every woman carries the essence of beauty. It is our job as men to make it safe enough for every woman to reveal her beauty.
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