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We Need More Romance, Not Less
Apr 15, 2012
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Being romantic is spiritual training for every aspect of life. – Marriane Williamson
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Being a romantic is not a choice for many people in life, it’s their way of being in this world.
What’s a Man’s Life Worth?
Mar 27, 2012![Cover of "Michael Clayton [Blu-ray]"](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/519tEw7kQAL._SL300_.jpg)
Cover of Michael Clayton [Blu-ray
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God designed it that every man would find his work, but his work may not be his fulfillment. Every man must work in life, and every man must give his “gift” to the world. The gift is hidden in the unconscious and must be discovered. Every man must find and give his particular gift to the world. The ancient prophets said, Life is God’s gift to a man, what a man does with it is his gift back to God.
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Every man has a gift to give. Even if it takes a lifetime to discover what it is, it is totally fulfilling when he finds it and gives it to the world. “The world” may be just his son, or his family, but every man is valuable to God.
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Men are most fulfilled by committing their lives to something larger than themselves. All men are wanting to know what it is that’s worth living for. But only a few will find it. The majority of men will stop looking for their vision-quest, and numb the desire with alcohol, entertainment, control over others or boredom. The majority of men live and die with lives of quiet desperation.
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99% of the wives I’ve met has a desire for her husband to find his gift and give it to the world. These women want their man to be happy and fulfilled at what he does. The sense of meaning is crucial to a man. If you haven’t discovered your gift, continue to put yourself in positions where you have to give of yourself. Never settle for a shallow existence. God came to this earth so you would have life, and have it to it’s fullest extent. God has staked his reputation on the line when the ancient historian said, God is fulfilled by the fullness of a man’s life.
“How do I tell him, I’m not satisfied sexually?”
Mar 24, 2012
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Sex questions might be best answered in person.
I watched a young couple on You Tube (Jennifer and Dan) answer relational questions. Don’t get me wrong, I am jealous that they are out there answering sex and relationship questions, and I’m also totally glad they are, but I had a snort of a time with their response to the question: How do I tell him I’m not sexually satisfied?
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Mind you, I’m not making light of this couple, I respect them for getting out there. In the past, I’ve been too perfectionistic. Listen to their responses as representative of most couples and you’ll see what a plight America is in.
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To the question of How do I tell my guy I’m not satisfied with our love-making?
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A woman writes in to Dan and Jennifer: My boyfriend thinks women who are unsatisfied and then go outside the relationship are selfish.
Doooough! They ARE! Educate yourself and your partner or get out of the relationship before you stray. the Hosts eventually move in this direction.
At one point the host (Dan) says “cuz every man knows how to get a woman off.”
My response: “WHAT?” to the 10th power. Not every man knows how to treat a woman. That’s why men are using “roofies” to sedate women. That’s why men are blaming women and changing partners so often. All this would be different if more men would learn how to be with a woman.
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Jennifer answers: Try new positions. Gently guide him to do something you like, and if he does something you like tell him. With men, you have to be very patient. Treat them like puppies. encourage everything they do right, and if they do something wrong… don’t tell ‘em. Just tell them how they can do something better, suggest something else.
Me: Jennifer is saying something right, you have to massage a man’s ego, encourage him in what he is doing correctly, but it’s a sad statement about men that they can‘t take correction. But… treat them like “puppies?” -please.
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If you tell him and he doesn’t care, you gotta ask yourself, if you’re with the right person. Cuz you shouldn’t be unhappy or be there out of guilt. If you’ve tried everything, at some point you may have to decide to go, but make sure you’ve tried everything first.
My comment: I agree. Don’t stay out of guilt or shame, try everything, and make the tough decision to go if he’s not responsive.
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You can watch more of their relationship answers at:Â http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_JDAlt9UI8
Sex Stats: 6 minutes…what?
Mar 21, 2012
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From the Sex Stats file: one survey of women in Cosmopolitan magazine said that foreplay usually lasts 14 to 17 minutes for the average couple, and that the man typically reaches his orgasm after six minutes of, well, you know… being together.
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What???!
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I say, what???!
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That’s outrageous. The couples I coach in the romantic arts are making love for 2, 4 & 6 hours. Average of 2 hours, and they love it. They love each other.
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Sure, quickies are fun, they are like punctuation to a sentence. But, being able to be together longer is what makes quickies satisfying.
Romance 101: Clear Communication
Mar 18, 2012
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Be sure you heard what you think she said. Use the phrase: “I heard you say X, is that what you meant?” Use the phrase often. It helps clear up communication, shows her you’re paying attention, and keeps you out of trouble.
If you want to go further, where it’s appropriate ask here what her “inner woman” is saying.
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Women have an outer and an inner woman. With their outer woman they say what they think they should say, they tell you what you want to hear. But, she also has an inner woman.
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When you respect her inner woman, you’ll gain points, and save yourself some grief.
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She is often not in contact with her own inner woman, and this causes her to feel unsafe. When you ask about the inner woman, at first she may not know who you are talking about, but when it becomes clear to her, she will love you all the more for it.
Freedom from Verbal Abuse
Mar 15, 2012
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Freedom from Verbal Abuse
If I were King, I would make it a hate crime for verbal abuse to exist. It is wicked to break someone down mentally. Verbal abuse can be as destructive and harmful as physical abuse, the only difference being verbal abuse leaves no physical scars. On second thought, if we listen to ancient wisdom, words have the power to create life and death. Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse.
Many relationships seem wonderful and perfect at the beginning but some relationships do turn into manipulative, humiliating and intimidating connections.
Let’s follow the progression from normal disagreement to abuse: In a normal relationship there are moments where one or both partners are uncomfortable. These are not necessarily bad. It could be a time of growth, something new to explore. But, if the discomfort is ignored, dismissed or shamed, the tension between the two progresses into veiled anger, sarcasm and verbal jabs. If this tension is ignored, and contempt settles in the relationship progresses to become verbally abusive.
There are usually some stages that a verbally abusive relationship manifests. In the beginning, your partner may become detached, preoccupied and a little too critical. For a while, they may even apologize. During this early stage, the abuser accuses the victim for his or her failures and also criticizes petty things about the victim. The abuser blames the partner for even provoking them so much they lose their composure. The conversations, if you can call them that, are loaded with sarcasm, put downs, and jokes at the partner’s expense. The abuser is being filled with unforgiveness, bitterness and rage. If contempt sets in, the relationship is usually lost.
This is when the abuse begins. Abuse is characterized by massive fights during which a lot of threats and hurtful words are said. It is at this stage that the abuse can sometimes even turn physical. Being an abusive person usually results from a dysfunctional childhood, where anger management obviously wasn’t on the agenda. Finally, once the abuse is done, the abuser gets apologetic and does everything in his or her power to set things right again, until the entire cycle begins all over again.
Breaking this cycle is the key to changing the nature of your relationship. This can be attained by increasing your awareness of signs of verbal abuse and being assertive and not allowing the abuser to manipulate and dominate you. Sometimes couples who cannot do these reparations by themselves seek external help from therapists, who can improve communication and understanding between partners.
If the contempt and disgust isn’t too far progressed, the relationship can be salvaged. If it has been unattended to for too long a time, it is usually too far gone. Get help before it is too late.
On Being Sensual
Mar 11, 2012
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What does it mean to be a sensual Being? To be sensual means to be Awake, to be Present.
We allow ourselves to be aroused by things of allurement, delight and grace. We can go forward to explore our lives and loves with a sensuousness attuned to all of the gifts of our senses. To be sensual is to be aware of and appreciate that we live in a world full of passion and ecstasy just waiting to be discovered. Our senses can be stimulated in so many beautiful ways! We can enter the world of poets, song writers, artists, and dreamers.
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My additional thoughts:
To be a sensual person is to be an alive person. Sensuality in it’s purest form is to have all of your senses come alive. To slow down enough to really feel the breeze, the warmth of the sun, the scent of the outdoors, or the scent of a woman. To open up our senses is to open our eyes to the colors of the sky, the color of the eyes right in front of us. To be fully awake sensually is to touch the world as if we’d never been alive before this moment.
No one can permanently live there, so we sensualists, take a few minutes whenever we can to hyper-dial in our senses, our attunement to the world around us. Often when we do, we come face to face with someone quite lovely, and a romance begins.
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You can read more of Kathleen’s writings at: http://roadtofreedom.us/
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Body Language: Approaching Your Man
Mar 10, 2012
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Oprah had an article on how women could approach their men. It is a good article, but one of the comments below was even more interesting.
………from Oprah online
Hey! Hey! Hey! I am a real man and I have to put my 2 cents in here. When women talk about how to connect with the men in their life; there are few things to look at: If we are talking about men in a spousal role, at the onset of the relationship, women have to make sure that the men are compatible in every way; I say this because to me love is good in a relationship but communication is greater. Why would you want to live the rest of your life with someone who cannot hold a conversation? Remember the first time you met, he called you ten times a day, invited you to every arena and listened attentively to all you had to say, and you couldn’t shot him up. You have to keep that fire burning all the time; but generally you forget along the way and you changed the routine or you allow life occurrences to dictate new routines for your life; then boom it hits you in between the eyes—No more going with him to the arena, no more healthy conversation, no more talking on the phone for hours, no more spontaneous outings. Now everyday becomes a struggle in and out of your home. Instead of taking a step back to revisit where everything started the nosedive; you only find faults with each other. The fault in my book is 50/50 for both of you because you both forgot to feed the source of your initial conversation which brought you closer together at the beginning. Remember, once you said I do, you cannot turn around and try to change Mr. Silent to Mr. talkative. As for other men in your life; be it a dad, a brother or an uncle it is same antidote; the type of your relationship at the onset with any of these men will always remain same; as long as you continue to feed the source. Women are mostly drawn to their fathers and men to their mothers. If there is a health relationship and flow of conversation from the start, it always continues. You have to continue doing all the things that gives him pleasure to communicate. And forget to pay attention to the details.
………….my comment:
Tsoul1007 is right on. It is useless to fix blame on one another. Blame only serves to isolate your partner. That said, the suggestions in the article are great, this is a great article. Approaching men from the side is brilliant! AND… did you know, approaching women almost straight on is appropriate for them. Women feel safer when they can see who’s approaching and assess what their motives are. Approach women from just off center. If you approach women from the side, like you would a man, women get jumpy. Their primitive warning signals go off and they worry about their safety. If you do approach a woman from the side or behind, announce yourself and tell her what your reasons are for approaching her this way. It shows respect for a woman.
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Read more at:Â http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Connect-with-Men-Have-a-Conversation-with-the-Men-in-Your-Life
The New Infidelity
Mar 03, 2012
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The New Infidelity
In today’s culture, infidelity does not have to be sexual. Examples surround us – work-a-holics, emotional & internet affairs, gambling, spending the family into bankruptcy are some forms of infidelity, alcoholism and drug abuse are still rampant in America.
Anything that commands more of your devotion and attention than your intimate other, anything that pulls precious resources away from the family can now be considered to be infidelity.
No one wakes up one morning and decides to have an affair. Rarely a sudden act of impulsivity, affairs usually begin as a slow compromise of values. Infidelity is usually a slow leak, rather than a sudden blow out.
When only 13% of affairs are by first-timers, it makes us aware that 87% of those having affairs will have more. Truly, hurt people, hurt people.
Infidelity plays for keeps.
A little infidelity is like being “sorta pregnant.” The fallout of infidelity is more severe – divorce, bankruptcy, custody battles, accusations, broken hearts, lost faith, suicide – infidelity plays for keeps.
Sure, some couples do survive infidelity, divorce is not a given. Those who don’t get professional help usually limp along half committed. Those who get professional help become grateful, and become good for each other. At the Aspen Center we have a constant stream of couples we have helped. Join the community of couples restoring romance, rekindling desire, rebuilding homes.
Natural Cures for Anxiety
Mar 01, 2012
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My new friend Ryan Rivera has researched natural cures for anxiety. If any of you can vouch for what he says, or are willing to try his suggestions and let me know, we would all appreciate your comments.
-Dr. Jones
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7 Bizarre Anxiety Home Cures That Really Work
Anxiety is a debilitating condition; it can start off as a general vague feeling of uneasiness and can soon manifest with physical symptoms such as shallow breathing, restlessness and uncontrollable panic.
Take a moment and check if you suffer from any of the following:
Do you often feel excessively worried or anxious?
Is your worry getting out of control?
Do you feel a vague sense of uneasiness?
Do you often feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to deal with everyday life?
Do you have trouble concentrating?
Do you get tired easily?
Is your sleep disturbed?
If you suffer from more than two of the above then you are facing symptoms of anxiety. Many people will go to the emergency room, believing that they must get immediate medical attention for their condition. After the diagnosis of anxiety disorder is made, they start taking medication to overcome anxiety.
But it doesn’t always have to be like that.
There are powerful and effective home cures available for anxiety. Below is a list of the 7 Bizarre Anxiety Home Cures That Really Work:
1)Â Â Â Â Herbal teas:
Many herbal teas contain substances that act as potential anxiety busters. The most commonly known herbs for anxiety reduction include: Chamomile, Green Tea, Cloves, Lavender, Orange blossoms, Thyme, Kava
Kava tea:
Kava can be used in any form: natural kava powder, kava pills, kava tinctures, kava extracts, etc. It is widely used for the relief of anxiety and stress.
Kava also helps in relaxing the muscles and promoting a good sleep.
Kava tea is popular for its anxiety reducing qualities. Kava is an ancient plant, belonging to the pepper family, normally grown in Indonesia and the Asian islands.
The tea extract is derived from its root or stump or Kava plant.
Kava can be consumed like any herbal tea.
When using kava do not get startled by the tingling feeling it gives the mouth and tongue, this is completely normal.
Valerian:
In a recent study published on Pub Med , valerian herb has been proven for its anxiolytic calming properties.
Valerian root is a dietary supplement used historically in the treatment of sleep, stress and anxiety problems. It also helps in relieving headache and digestive problems.
Valerian is a plant native to Europe and Asia. Valerian is available in the form of pills and herbal tea and can be ordered online.
Chamomile:
Chamomile has been known its calming properties, it is available in the form of chamomile oil, teas and pills. Chamomile is a native European plant. It also relieves gastric ailments such as colic and dyspepsia. It helps in sleep and acts as a mild herbal tranquilizer.
Other popular anxiety relief agents include: Passion flower, Hops, Catnip, Rhodiola Rosae, St. John’s Wort and Ginkgo Biloba.
2)Â Â Â Â Vitamins:
Vitamin B complex deficiency can cause anxiety, taking vitamin B supplements regularly is helpful even if you don’t suffer from a deficiency.
The three most important vitamins related to anxiety are Vitamin B6, B12 and B3.
Vitamin B6 helps in promoting muscle function, maintaining alertness, it provides nourishment to the skin and hair. Deficiency of Vitamin B6 can cause irritability and anxiety.
B12 is another important vitamin that can really help in reducing anxiety and stress. Vitamin B12 is involved in a number of key body processes, but is especially key to red blood cell production, nervous system function, sperm production, normal growth and the proper function of the immune system.
It has also been shown to improve memory and concentration.
Deficiency of Vitamin B12 can cause, depression, anxiety, anemia, exhaustion and neurological problems.
Supplementation of 50 to 2000 mcg per day has been shown to be safe, although most commonly, doses are from 10-100 mcg per day, with vegetarians requiring more than nonvegetarians.
Another member of the vitamin B family (B3 specifically) Niacinamide is also known to work wonders in reducing anxiety.
Vitamin B3, helps in releasing energy from carbohydrates, fats and proteins, it helps in reducing bad cholesterol from blood, it is necessary for healthy skin, nerves and digestive system.
It is also known to promote good sleep.
The necessary doses of B vitamins and other minerals are available in the form of multivitamin – multimineral tablets and can be obtained over the counter at a regular medical store.
3)Â Â Â Â Omega 3 fatty acids:
Omega 3 fatty acids also act as wonderful mood balancers, and can greatly reduce anxiety. Research shows strong evidence that the omega-3s EPA and DHA can boost heart health and lower triglycerides.
There are several types of omega-3 fatty acids. Two crucial ones — EPA and DHA — are primarily found in certain fish. Algae oil often provides only DHA. Some plants act as a source for omega 3s known as ALA.
Experts say that DHA and EPA — from fish and fish oil — have better established health benefits than ALA.
They have further been noted to help improve concentration and focus in people with ADHD and autism. Researchers have found that cultures which eat foods with high levels of omega-3s have lower levels of depression. Fish oil also seems to boost the effects of antidepressants. Fish oil may help reduce the depressive symptoms of bipolar disorder.
Fish high in DHA and EPA omega-3 fatty acids include anchovies, bluefish, herring, mackerel, salmon , sardines, sturgeon, lake trout, and tuna. Many experts recommend eating these fish two to three times a week.
If you decide to use a supplement, your best bet is fish oil, which has the omega-3 fatty acids.
Cod liver oil is a nutritional supplement derived from liver of cod fish. It has high levels of the omega-3 fatty acids, EPA and DHA, and very high levels of vitamin A and vitamin D.
4)Â Â Â Â Ginger:
Ginger tea has plenty of scientifically proven health benefits. It is a remedy for nausea, diarrhea, and anxiety.
At least one study proved ginger to be effective at reducing anxiety.
The mechanism of action of ginger is not yet fully understood but many people report decrease in anxiety levels after consuming ginger tea.
Ginger can be consumed in the form of ginger tea, ginger bread, some vocal artists even consume raw ginger early in the morning since it helps soothe their voice besides reducing anxiety.
5)Â Â Â Â Ayurvedic bath:
Ayurvedic bath is the secret of health and wellness spas. This is easy to prepare and has a good relaxing effect on the body.
Preparation: 1/3 cup ginger, 1/3 cup baking soda
Add to a tubful of water and soak for 10 – 15 minutes and relax. This relaxing bath pacifies your anxiety and makes you feel calm.
6)Â Â Â Â Â Almond milk:
Almond milk is another home remedy known for its anxiolytic properties.
Preparation: A cup of milk, 10 raw almonds, ginger, nutmeg, saffron
Soak 10 raw almonds in water for a night and peel off skin before blending with milk. Best to use a blender. Whilst blending, add pinches of nutmeg, saffron and ginger.
7) Aromatherapy
Aromatherapy is known to be very effective in reducing anxiety naturally. Orange peel and mint have a very calming effect on the nervous system. Other popular aromas include vanilla, lavendar, rose, sandlewood and chamomile.
These scents are available in different forms in most malls and supermarkets. You can purchase aroma scents and candles made from these scents , you can also purchase oil diffusers and scents that with them. Regular use can create a relaxing atmosphere in your room. Use these scents in a room where you can relax and you are away from work and other stress factors.
Note on Herbal Supplements:
Most home remedies for anxiety consist of dietary supplements or herbs which are harmless, but if you’re already on medication, have a medical problem, if you are pregnant, trying to become pregnant, or breastfeeding, make sure you consult your family doctor and check if the herbal supplements are safe for you.
About The Author: Ryan Rivera is an ex-anxiety attack sufferer. You can find more information by him at  www.calmclinic.com
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