Obsessive Love is an oxymoron. It is not what it appears to be. Obsessive love is not about love at all, but rather about capturing and controlling another human being. It is a pre-occupation with owning another human being who is physically, spiritually and/or emotionally unavailable.
Perhaps Obsessive Love is a fixation on someone who is already married or in another relationship. Perhaps Obsessive Love is a determination to get someone to love you who is otherwise committed to someone or something else. The would-be lover is usually so starved for attention and affection missing from their childhood they lock onto someone who looks kind to them and off they go, into fantasyland.
It might begin as a friendship but the Obsessive Lover eventually turns the relationship into a living nightmare for the target of the obsessed. The Obsessed will give, and give, and give until they are exhausted or spent, before expecting the target to then take care of them. They demand care from the targeted one, they feel justified in being repaid and rejection feels like a massive insult. The targeted one is getting away! This could never happen, and the Obsessed clamps on.
Tactics used by the Obsessive Lover are repetitive calling, showing up unannounced at the target’s work or home, driving by the target’s home, sending unwanted letters or gifts, stalking or following the target. The Obsessed feels so passionate about their rightness, they feel justified in everything they might do to the target including destroying them so no one else can enjoy them.
Questions to help identify an obsessed stalker in the making:
- Do you have someone in your life who suffocates you emotionally?
- Do they repeatedly try to convince you, you don’t know your own mind or heart? or that they know you better than you know yourself?
- Do they refuse to accept that a relationship is over?
- Is this person’s presence in your life causing you to have nervous symptoms?
- Does this person get more insistent when you tell them it’s really over? Do they get depressed, and moody?
- Does this person spend money on you, buying you cards, gifts and things you didn’t ask for or want?
- Does this person check up on you, spy on you, track your movement?
- Have you become afraid of going anywhere because they might be watching, or show up?
- Are you becoming afraid they might harm themselves, and/or you?
Being the object of Obsessive Love is horrible. It is not flattering, and often turns into a nightmare. If you see the signs above, recognize that you have to get to safety.
- End the obsessive relationship clearly and permanently.
- Return all cards and letters unopened.
- Do not receive, or hang up on their phone calls.
- Do NOT try to reason or argue with them. It only gets you more involved.
- Pray to end all spiritual soul ties.
- Call security guards or police as often as necessary.
- Get a restraining order if necessary.
- Move, change phone numbers if necessary. This situation may continue to escalate.
Consult with an expert to see if there are particular tactics you can use to get yourself and loved ones to safety.
The Beatles sang, “Love … Love … Love … All you need is Love…”
– then they broke up. – The inimical, Ryan D. Jones
Ryan says a lot of stuff I don’t hear, a lot of stuff I wish I hadn’t heard. And he says a lot of crazy stuff I wish I could publish and make a mint off of. He often says some of the funniest, most profound things in life. So I listen when he talks, because you never know…. even a blind squirrel finds a nut occasionally.
Love is what it’s all about isn’t it? We are hardwired to love and belong. It’s the sign of being a complete human being.
If you find my beloved, tell him I am faint with Love. -Song of Solomon 5:8
If we are hardwired to love and belong, then it is the most painful, and universal experience to be in love with someone, when they don’t love you back in the same way. Unrequited Love is a love that is unreciprocated. Every adult has been on one side of this love at one time in their life. It’s part of being an adult. It increases your compassion for both the loved and the lover. It is an insanely painful, heart-breaking ride that can leave you pretty distracted at best, and in agony at worst. On a richter scale it is probably like having something the size of a dinosaur sit on your chest.
One co-ed said, “I had given him everything I had (not physically, but definitely emotionally). I was totally empty and heartbroken by his rejection, and this affected me for a long time afterward…. I have not given myself to any guy with that same intensity since.”
Our brain is both the receiver and the transmitter of thoughts we hold in our unconscious. We can become ‘conscious’ in our ‘unconscious’. HOW?
One way is when we are dreaming – then our conscious mind is ‘asleep’, and we are ‘awake’ in that part of our mind called the subconscious. Our subconscious is the link between our conscious and unconscious mind. It ‘thinks’ in pictures, which are symbols of important realities in our unconscious mind.
Another way we can connect with our subconscious is by relaxing and observing our thoughts. As we slow down our minds, we can begin observing the thoughts as they enter our mind, and we can eventually exercise control over them. For example: If we see a negative thought we know is not the truth in reality, we can then stop it and give it a counter thought, “NO – That’s not true. The TRUTH is _________”
After practice we can train the mind to obey us, instead of us following blindly along, being run ragged by every thought that comes along.
If the horse represents our thoughts, where would we be without someone guiding them? We have to be that someone, ‘awake’ to where we want our thoughts to go, or we will not arrive to the destination of our choosing.
I became inspired by something one of our board members, Ray Jones, said recently. He mentioned, “why children love stories and why fairy tales with a moral message are so important to them”, and it got me thinking about it.
The reason why fairy tales and stories are so important is that children are still so close to their subconscious minds. They haven’t been so overloaded by the cares of this world yet, and the images in the stories are vital symbols that can speak with greater clarity and meaning to their unconscious minds. These symbols are tools we storytellers can use to impart wisdom and lessons early in life – while there is still hope to set their feet on solid ground.
3-The third reason that fantasy is such an important part of reality is that it is sometimes the only escape people have from wretched conditions. The ability to rise above this world is the stuff great storytellers and prophets use to take peoples hearts and minds to a better place they clearly see in their mind’s ‘eye’.
I heard the true account on the radio one day of a girl who told how she had been imprisoned for months by her father as a child, in a remote shack far from town, boarded up where no one could hear her cries. She suffered alternately terrible abuse and then neglect: Terror when he was there only to abuse her, and then abandonment when he’d leave her alone for days without proper necessities for survival. Her only escape was in fantasy, where she would go each day. She’d imagine that someone would come to rescue her, release her from her prison, and put her father in prison instead. It became her only hope and prayer each day, until finally one day it became a reality, when a passing stranger did heard her cries and she was finally rescued from her awful existence. The ‘fantasy had become a ‘reality’.
Where do our fantasies come from?
The subconscious mind is a rich source of fantasy and reality. Much of our dreaming comes from the images that are locked in our subconscious mind until they are given flight – when our ‘conscious’ mind goes to sleep, awakening our unconscious into our awareness.
Researchers now agree about the necessity of enough sleep to the sanity of the mind. Why is it so important? If we don’t get adequate time for our ‘conscious’ mind to go to sleep, the ‘unconscious’ mind (which is really smarter than we give it credit for) can’t do its work! Its work is what sustains us and gives meaning to the rest of our experience. That is where we connect to our own existence; our unconscious mind is the cohesive ‘glue’ of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual lives. That is why it is vital to get in touch with our subconscious minds, why our dreams are important, and why we need to pay attention to, and to learn to control, our thoughts.
Why FANTASY is an important part of REALITY, © Ruth Elliott, 2012
FANTASY is an important part of REALITY in 3 WAYS:
1-It connects us with our imagination. When we fantasize we go into a different part of our brain, one that pictures things that are not in our immediate environment. Animals are so connected to their immediate surroundings that they are limited in their ability for higher thought. That’s what separates us from the animal kingdom. The reason Einstein said that imagination was more important than knowledge is simple: we can never go beyond what we already ‘know’ without going into our ‘imagination’, or another realm where we have not been before.
2-The second reason Fantasy is an important part of reality is that it gets us away from the humdrum day to day existence – away from the drab and boring things that drag us down. I’ve heard people say, “Don’t be so heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good!” but the reverse is usually the case with people. They are so ‘earthly’ bound that they never get off the ground, somewhat like animals.
The true test of our faculties comes when we can meld the two: Having our head held up in higher thought while keeping our feet firmly on the ground. It’s a balancing act for sure.
Facing Hyposexuality: Starving ourselves to death in a restaurant
The Obsessive Love Wheel
Influence of Pornography
Be Aware of Traits That Permit Others to Manipulate You.
In the movie “Toy Story” – the boy next door, Sid, destroyed insects, animals, toys, and was working himself up to more hideous crimes when last we leave him. Snidley Whiplash was never remorseful. The Silence of the Lambs shows a fiend (Hannibal Lecter) who was beyond rehabilitation. The Enemy, the Devil, Diablo, The Lord of the Flies is never satisfied with what he attains, never caring about anyone, laughs at their displeasure. No guilt, No satisfaction, No compassion. Watch for these signs in your Victimizer and you’ll know you’re dealing with a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing, a Scorpion, a Snake.
These people only go away with the use of money (enough money to buy them off), attorney’s (legal proceedings, restraining orders, lawsuits) and police (to escort them off the premises.)
The victim goes through three predictable phases: Disbelief (questioning and doubting yourself, thinking you’ve misunderstood, blaming yourself, or excusing the Vampire as in “They couldn’t have meant that. They didn’t mean what I think they just said.). Defense – (you start defending yourself. You search for evidence to hold onto your sanity. You look for ways to help the Parasite. You search for evidence to prove your Wicked was wrong.) and Depression (you’re exhausted, overwhelmed and worn out. Without support from God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and other friends, you are likely to cave in on your own reality.)
When the Bully breaks the victim mentally they have their living slave. It gets more and more difficult for the victim to leave. Authorities have typically mis-understood, even shamed these human sacrifices. What they don’t understand is how hard it is to extricate yourself from the clutches of an Emotional Abuser. In the movie “The Black Swan” – the victim comes to believe the only way to escape the clutches of the Victimizer, is to kill herself.
This aspect alone makes the Emotional Bully more hideous than the common criminal. They are not satisfied in simply ripping someone off. In fact, they are not satisfied by anything except winning, or dominating another person mentally. They are the spider, their victim is the fly, and the spider won’t kill the fly. The prey is kept alive. That’s sub-human. This never occurs in the animal kingdom. The law of the jungle is you kill to survive. Nowhere will you see some animal keep another alive for the sole purpose of showing domination. That is why this subcategory of entity is less than human. They have no guilt, no compunction, no sense of remorse, because they have no compassion, no attachments, no satisfactions. They have no heart.
So used by the Enemy to steal hopes, kill dreams, and destroy lives, these Parasites find it easier to strip others of their resources than to work at legitimate employment. They have no heart. They are not human. They do not care. They are never satisfied. They are the living dead. Attempts to rehabilitate these Scorpions are scoffed at. They are experts at beating the system. God will not have mercy on them for the innocence they have destroyed. There is no hope for those who intentionally harm the innocent. Their father is the father of lies. They have one end, and no one, no living person wants to go there. The fact that these Parasites do not care if they go to hell, tells you this much – they are already dead.