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Menopause: “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
Feb 21, 2012
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Menopause comes to every woman like her own personal summer. Described as  a heat from within, the temperature inside a woman can spike skyward making living very uncomfortable for she and her man. To cool off, some women stand in front of the fan or the freezer trying to cool down, some begin to unbutton their blouse. At nighttime, they can soak the bed, the heat keeps her awake, and that makes for a very cranky next morning.
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Menopause signals the end of a woman’s reproductive era. No more babies. No more opportunity to be a mommy. If you haven’t had children by now, it’s not going to happen. The window of opportunity is closed. Your identity as a woman is changing. This upsets a lot of women.
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As does the sudden discomfort, rise and fall in temperatures, clothes go on and off, night sweats, and the patience all of this requires from her man.
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Remedies include hormone replacement therapy (although this is not good for every woman), herbal remedies, ice packs, and layered clothing, but none of these carries a satisfactory answer. Hot flashes may be diminished by exercising, keeping cool, and Hypnosis to promote slow, controlled breathing.
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With menstruation on one end of life (the beginning of the reproductive cycle), and menopause on the other (ending a woman’s reproductive capabilities), a woman’s life is divided into three time zones: before, during and after fertility. Menstruation and Menopause are the two rites of initiation into the mystery, wisdom and power of being a woman. In the years of menopause the woman is initiated into the new identity of being a wise, mystical, powerful elder.
Human females are unique to all other species of females on this planet. They menstruate and cease to be reproductively available with half their lives still ahead of them. Ancient wisdom has it that menopause It is a woman’s way of passing into a mysterious time of life. A woman can become very independent, confident and insightful about life. New interests can emerge. It takes a hearty man to go through menopause with his woman and stay connected. When they do, a new, exciting chapter of their romance will open up to both of them.
It is an absolute myth to suggest that a woman’s sensuality goes out the window when menopause comes in. Not true at all. Every woman, right now, is orgasmic. If orgasm is re-defined as an intensely pleasurable experience with her man, which offers the opportunity for her to have an incredibly life changing, intimate connection of transformational enjoyment.
In this part of her life, the woman experiences a complete change at a cellular level. It is something she must do alone. It is a passage, a wilderness a woman must enter into alone. The men who love women cannot do this for them, they can only stand in support as they morph from caterpillar to butterfly. In classic legend, ancient wisdom, and Mythology the three classic stages of all human initiation are here to be experienced: isolation, death and rebirth. The woman emerges as a powerful source of spirit, love and wisdom.
Each woman has special needs; and menopause, as difficult as it is for some, offers special challenges. As men who honor women we give support and understanding, assuring her of our constant devotion during these turbulent times.
When a woman asks, Is it hot in here or is it just me? – every self respecting, romantic men shall now respond, Â It’s you baby, it’s you.
Female Sexual Dysfunction – part 2
Feb 18, 2012
Orgasm Inc. - The Strange Science of Female Pleasure (Photo credit: k-ideas)
As the “dis-easing” of American women continues, the world health community offered funding for research on a female orgasm pill, they raised the flag, and the race was on. There’s big money to be made here. With the discovery of every disease, there is always a community of people ready to make some serious money. There will be pharmaceuticals dedicated to Female Orgasm, (as there should be), and there will be pharmaceuticals for the non-orgasmic (as there should be). (If a woman is slipped a “Micky” when she isn’t looking would it then be called a “Minnie?” – I’m just sayin’.) There will be books written, conferences given, professional talks given, and opinions debated. There is a film already made called “Orgasm” which will be coming to a theater near you. (Apologies offered for the cheap pun.) There will be therapies offered, support groups generated, and more self-help books written. The gurus of gyno’s will come forward and the world will be a happier place until the next disease is identified.
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The men will certainly get behind this issue because, when their woman is happy… everybody’s happy. And this new issue let’s a lot of men off the hook. If the women take responsibility for all the bedroom problems, we men get to be the compassionate, sympathetic, supporters of our suffering women, when we caused a lot of this problem by not being willing to learn about our sexuality when we had the chance. After all, how many classes are there for men on how to be a lover with a slow hand? The national average time it takes a man to go from foreplay to conclusion is 20 minutes. So, how many classes are there for men on how to make love for 2, 4 and 6 hours at a time? It is certainly possible for couples to enjoy making love for an average of 2 hours a time. (Quickies are also welcomed and enjoyed.)
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I certainly encourage women to take responsibility for their own bodies, and their own orgasms, (I was going to say there were no “butts” here, but this pun thing is getting out of my control.) I certainly encourage women to take responsibility for their own bodies, AND their own orgasms, period. AND… it is our masculine responsibility to treat women like the Goddesses they are in and out of the bedroom. It is our responsibility to continually be the best boyfriend, husband, lover and friend we can be.
Female Sexual Dysfunction – Part 1
Feb 15, 2012
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Female Sexual Dysfunction
Finally! Female Sexual Dysfunction may be getting the attention it deserves. If Oprah says it is epidemic then we should pay attention. Female Sexual Dysfunction is either physical or psychological. When it’s physical, it’s really painful, and would turn anybody off from sex. When it’s psychological, there are mental blocks to either becoming interested in having sex, or the arousal cycles get blocked by mental, emotional and spiritual conflicts, which is painful in another kind of way. 43% of women report being blocked by FSD, and more alarming is that 85% of women worldwide are unsatisfied sexually.
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I am sincerely happy Oprah is bringing attention to this issue. I also believe society is going to blame women and look in the wrong direction for answers.
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I question the veracity of the diagnosis: Female Sexual Dysfunction. The Mayo Clinic defines FSD as being persistent, recurrent problems with sexual response or desire — and if these problems are making you distressed or straining your relationship with your partner — what you’re experiencing is known medically as female sexual dysfunction.
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Now, I ask you, couldn’t the above “problems” be caused by a boyfriend or husband who is clumsy? Or rushed? Inattentive? or Impatient? How about if he were just slightly insensitive? What if he were ill-informed about her sexual molestation? or if she told him at all? Oh, for good times lets ask if he was immature? or ignorant of female anatomy? or love making? What if he smells like cheep beer? or is too loaded to know? How much does her Female Sexual Dysfunction increase if her best friend is being treated like a Goddess by her lover? (A lot, I’m sure.)
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Continues in part 2.
Angel in Love: Lessons on being the Romantic Man (part 4)
Feb 12, 2012
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(part 4) Angel in Love: Cary Grant is an Angel who can teach us a lot about being a Romantic Man.
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Julia to Henry: You haven’t said a thing about it.
Henry: About what?
Julia: My new hat.
My disappointed observation: Henry, ooooh Henry, are you so focused on being threatened by Dudley that you still don’t notice the changes in your wife? In her heart she’s asking, Do you see my creativity, and if you do, does it move you? Will you join in the celebration of my creativity? Women love to create. Women are deeply romanced when their man notices the changes they make. When men don’t pay attention to the slice of heaven they’ve been given, chaos breaks out. A woman feels shame and loneliness when her man is inattentive to her. Gentlemen, do what you need to do to get over yourselves and pay attention to your woman.
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Dudley confronting Henry: …anything is possible if you are willing to compromise your principles.
Henry to the Professor: He has caused Julia to despise me.
Professor to Henry: Are you sure he has done that?
My keen observation: Henry has compromised his integrity to get where he is, and will have to keep compromising from now on. This is a spiritual principle: When you compromise to get what you want, you’ll have to keep compromising to hold onto it. Dudley is calling him out – be honest with yourself he’s saying to Henry – to thine own self be true. Your wife will respect you more. The professor challenges Henry’s suspicious-ness, which could become a victim mentality if not checked. No Henry, you have driven Julia away from you, not Dudley. Thank God, Henry has a community of men who will speak the truth to him in his hour of need.
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The most romantic compliment a man can pay a woman:
Dudley to Julia: There are a few people who know the secret of making a heaven here on earth. You are one of those people.
My translation: “You, are a classy woman. You’ve found the inner resources to rise above your life situation. You’re not defined by your circumstances. You are defined internally, by an intimate relationship with God.” This is the kind of character I look for in a woman. I lift it up for all men. Look for a woman who can bring Heaven down to Earth. If you’re already married, and she’s not there, be the man and lead the way. Do not demand that she go there first. You lead the way. Get some therapy, grow this kind of strength in yourself, and you will cultivate this in your woman. If you are single, or newly single: Don’t settle for less than a woman that brings Heaven into this Earth.
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Henry: My prayer hasn’t been answered. I was praying for a Cathedral (substitute any business goal).
Dudley: No Henry, you were praying for guidance, and this you have received.
My comment: Ka-boom! Dudley nails it! When a man is focused only on the outcome, he loses perspective, and loses his life. What good will it do you to gain the entire Earth, and lose your woman? It is a spiritual principle: Pray for the revelation of wisdom, work hard, and let go of the outcome.
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Henry in his Christmas sermon: Let us ask what the Christ child would want and let’s all do our part to give it to him.
My commentary: Excellent! Now he gets it. Sadly, the memory of the Angel has been erased from each of their memories. Henry has received a revelation of wisdom, and it feels like a natural flow of life. Let’s listen to what God wants from us, and contribute our part of the gift. The character arch in this story has occurred, the inattentive man has become the man who values who he has in his life. Happiness has come to Henry’s family, the transformation of his character is complete. Thank God for Romantic Angels.
The Work of Being A Romantic Man
Feb 10, 2012
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Life is way too short to not be a Romantic. After all, what good does it do a man to gain the entire world and lose the only thing in life he ever really cared about? That which gave meaning to his life?
I didn’t aim at being a Romantic, I just realized over time, and with proper inspiration, that I had become one. There are characteristics of being a Romantic Man, I’d like to share with you. A Romantic Man:
- …exercises his creativity often, in many different ways, not just in romance.
- …takes love seriously.
- …makes his intimate love relationship his highest priority. (Sometimes this is because, in a prior relationship, her took her for granted, and vowed never to do that again.
- …offers romantic gestures with no agenda. (he does not give to get, he just gives. The joy of seeing how loved she feels is his reward, payment, and meaning for life.)
- …appreciates her uniqueness.
- …maintains a deep, spiritual connection with his partner.
- …gives of themselves without expectations.
- …continuously learns and grows.
- …is just a little bit naughty.
- …celebrates both the masculine and the feminine.
- …celebrates sexuality.
- …pursues new and different experiences.
- …stays in touch with his emotions.
The greatest compliment I’ve received for being a Romantic, the best compliment – ever – came from my son. Officially, he is – 2Lt. Nathan Charles Jones, Army Ranger. But to me he’s Nathan. He said, Dad, you know I got my romanticism from you Dad. I’m a romantic because of you.
Angel in Love: Lessons on being the Romantic Man (part 3)
Feb 09, 2012
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(part 3)Â Angel in Love: Lessons on being the Romantic Man. Cary Grant is Dudley the Angel in the movie, The Bishop’s Wife.
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Dudley: (is on the floor playing with Debbie, the 8 year old girl. He tells her a story…)
My keen observation: Ladies, any man who can bond with a child is good marriage material. If he can bond with a child, he can bond with the child inside a woman. Notice he gets down on Debbie’s level, takes her correction and he knows how to tell a good story.
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Dudley: Angels come down and put ideas into people’s heads and then people feel very proud of themselves because they think it was all their idea.
My thought: I have come to believe what Dudley described is the primary way God speaks to humans. God is speaking to us all the time through intuition, pictures, visions, and revelation. If we tune into the flow of our intuition, we’ll enjoy an intimacy with the Divine we’ve never experienced before.
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Dudley: … you can tell the story from here, Henry.
Henry: Some other time.
My outraged reaction: Henry! You big duffer! You missed another golden opportunity. Dudley shows you honor by turning the story over to you, and you still have something more important to do than tell your child a story, win the admiration of your wife, and show Dudley you are big enough to cooperate with him instead of compete with him. Men who practice competition with other men only show how jealous and insecure they are.
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Julia: It somehow feels wrong to have so much fun.
My thought: Dudley has bought her the hat she’s been admiring, he’s taking her ice skating, they’ve had lunch at her favorite restaurant – this woman is being shown a good time. This is what her husband should be doing to win her heart every week of their marriage. She is safe with Dudley, so this is a good kind of risk for a woman to take with her man. These shared moments will be remembered for the rest of her life. She wants to have these memories with her husband.
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Sylvester (Taxi cab driver):Â …people don’t know where they’re going and they want to get there too fast. Take you two for example, I’d call you unusual. First place, you know your destination but you’re in no hurry to get there. you want to enjoy some scenery en route, and you’re not reluctant to spend an extra four bits for a detour with Mother Nature.
Dudley: Thank you, you are perceptive.
My observation: You had me at: “I’d call you unusual”. Translation: You’re a romantic couple. Thank you – someone noticed. Do you and your woman have a shared destination? Are you taking time along the way, spending time and money to make some memories and take a few detours into the great outdoors?
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Dudley to Sylvester: Put on some skates and you’ll find out just how young you are.
Julia to Henry: He made me believe I could skate!
My comment: Dudley believes the best about people. He encourages them to take healthy risks. People feel young and alive with him. They reach for more than they would have if by themselves. Dudley is being good news to people.
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Dudley: Sylvester is a noble soul. His children and his children’s children will rise up and call him blessed.
My thought: Dudley shows he is a leader of men because he is not in competition with men. He has the inner security to show honor to another man in front of Julia. He didn’t say this to impress her, he was thinking out loud and she overheard him. Again, his inner thoughts are not secret from her. He has nothing to be ashamed of.
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In part 4, Dudley is going to say, what I consider to be one of the most romantic things a man can tell a woman.
Becoming Romantically Creative
Feb 08, 2012
True Romantics are Rule-Breakers, and they are Creative, Quirky, Flexible, Observant, Childlike, Thoughtful, Fun, Wacky, and Curious, to name a few.
Romantics “work at being romantic.” Not the hard labor type of work, but like an artist works on a painting, gladly giving it time, effort, planning, thoughtfulness and a little frustration. I wish I could get paid for being a Romantic.
In today’s blog, I borrowed from an extremely talented artist who now lives in Northern California. Her blog on the work of creativity bears repeating.
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Lyn Lasneski, Artist
Continued success requires habitual creativity.
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This may seem counter-intuitive to some. Creativity isn’t something you can force, so how can you possibly be creative every day? Keep in mind, a habit of creativity doesn’t necessarily guarantee an amazing breakthrough outcome each and every day. It may turn out, especially at first, most days result in creations that aren’t that great, inspiring, creative, or useful. But simply going through the process of creativity helps you become more creative.
Good writers write every day. Good mathematicians do math every day. Good entrepreneurs undertake new projects every day. It’s not necessarily about the result or end product – although ending the day with something significant is nice – but it’s about the process. Getting into the habit of creativity will make you more creative.
1. Set aside some time each day for creative pursuits. It can be about art, business, relationships, or anything you see fit. But be sure you stick to your schedule.
2. Once you set aside a specific time, set the minimum amount of time you’ll spend in this creative session. Going longer is always okay – especially if your creativity really happens to flourish that day – but giving yourself enough time helps solidify the process.
3. Have a specific place for your creativity. Try to find a quiet, calm place. Over time, our bodies will learn to associate that certain room with creativity. This will prime your brain and make your sessions more effective.
4. Come prepared with any items you may need. You may only need a pen and paper, maybe a glass of water, but be sure you have everything you need when you sit down so you do not have to get up in the middle of your creativity.
5. Create. Just try. Go through the process. Some days will seem more successful than others, but every day you do it will be a success if only for the fact that you’re putting yourself through the process.
Spending time each day doing this will get you in the habit of creativity.
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As a certified romantic and a Certified Romance Coach, I work at being romantic every week. I wish I could tell you I was thoughtful and romantic every day, but that’s not the situation. I am often distracted by administrative tasks that feel anything but romantic. But, I gladly work at it. Being romantic gives meaning to my life.
In future blogs, I will apply the principles above to the Art of Romance.
Read more from Artist, Lyn Lasneski at the following:
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Dating with a Purpose
Feb 08, 2012
Matchmaking Party _0150 (Photo credit: !/_PeacePlusOne)
My friends at Catch Matchmaking are at it again, this time with one of their biggest bashes of the year: February 11, 2012. Just in time for Valentine’s this event could be the dating and matchmaking event that changes your life.
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It’s one thing to get out there and date like crazy, or another to not date at all hoping your ultimate partner comes to you. When you finally decide to get out there and find someone worth spending time and energy with, you want to find the right venue.
My friends at Catch Matchmaking, are an excellent choice when you decide to get dating again. I met them shortly after they started up in 2007. I have wanted to do some seminars with them on dating, but God was calling me in another direction and we didn’t work together. I’ll let them explain a bit more of what they do.
………………………………………………………………from www.catchmatchmaking.com
Catch Matchmaking was founded in 2007 to fulfill a tremendous need for an effective, dignified, and professional way for quality singles to meet and date in Los Angeles. Not only do our matchmakers have nearly two decades of experience in bringing people together, but also they hold degrees in Communication, Sociology, Psychology, and related fields.
Whether you are new to the city, divorced, a busy professional, or simply a great catch, we are focused on helping you find someone to share your life with. Matchmakers at Catch Matchmaking are certified through the Matchmaking Institute and must adhere to strict quality standards and a code of ethics. When you join Catch Matchmaking, there is no question that you will receive the highest level of service.
Team Members
May Hui
Founder & Matchmaker
Katie Chen
Co-Founder & Matchmaker
Elaine Lewis
Image Consultant
Sarah Ilarde
Personal Consultant
Our model of matchmaking employs intuition and expertise. With an eye towards quality over quantity, we meet face-to-face with our clients in order to hear what’s important to you. We then adhere to a careful and thoughtful process based on our knowledge of you and what you are looking for in a match. What follows is a proactive approach to finding suitable partners by extending our search beyond our membership group, using our networking skills and social connections throughout the greater Los Angeles area.
Benefits of Catch Matchmaking:
- Minimizes discouragement through a calculated process of matchmaking
- Saves time—we do the work for you
- Eliminates awkward, frustrating and often depressing elements of meeting people at bars or online
- Brings dignity to dating
- Matches are pre-screened
- Boutique agency that provides personalized service
- No open enrollment
- Certified matchmakers held to strict standards and a code of ethics
- Confidential and discreet
Who: All single professionals ages 24-45.
Tickets: $26 for one person and $52 for two people online. $30 at the door. You can RSVP by texting May at (310) 867-0851 with name and number of tickets you’d like to purchase and pay at the door. No refunds! No free birthday tickets for this event. We are almost sold out.
For tickets and more info, click HERE.
Slow Wet Kisses
Feb 06, 2012
Cover of Bull Durham
Sometimes a kiss is not just a kiss. Actor Kevin Costner portrays an aspiring ballplayer in the movie Bull Durham. He tells his female lead, Susan Surandon, that what he believes in is … slow, wet, kisses that last two days.
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At that moment, the entire female audience went into a deep, romantic trance.
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Who can blame them? What Costner has said goes deep into a woman’s soul. Most women get a glassy eyed stare in their eyes when they hear him say this, and are then left dazed and entranced.
Want proof men? Contemplate what Costner says, and say the same thing to your woman in the same way and see what kind of response you get. After their eyes refocus and they start breathing again you’ll know what you have to do.
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Kiss every part of her, not just her mouth. Kiss her body, soul and spirit.
Kiss her Body: Be creative in finding new places to kiss… behind the neck, the side of the neck, kiss her forearms, and softly kiss her belly. Be inventive. Learn where your woman likes to be kissed and kiss her there.
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A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition. ~Clare Whiting
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I am in favor of preserving the French habit of kissing ladies’ hands – after all, one must start somewhere. ~Sacha Guitry
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Kiss her Soul: The soul is made up of mind, will and emotions. You kiss her soul when you respect her ideas, and really, really listen to her. Care about her emotions, and ask her what she wants. This is how a man kisses a woman’s soul.
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Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein
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Once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul thro’
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson
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Kiss her Spirit: Men, nurture her spirit. Lead her spiritually. Nourish her creativity. Support her connection to nature. Find the things that bring your woman alive, and encourage her to do those things.
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‘Twas not my lips you kissed
But my soul
~Judy Garland
Angel in Love: Lessons on being the Romantic Man (part 2)
Feb 03, 2012
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(part 2) Lessons from an Angel (Cary Grant) on being a Romantic Man.
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Julia: I never know what to think. I never know when you’re joking or serious.
Dudley: When I’m joking I’m the most serious.
My thought: Being playful and doing the unexpected captures the woman’s interest. Dudley is being wonderfully paradoxical, and has no need to explain himself. The romantic man can keep his woman off balance by being playful and taking her on an adventure. I remind you, do not cover up your chronic anxiety with humor, get a therapist and do the work of coming to peace with yourself. Remember men, the humor is never at her expense. Kid her for sure, but never put her down with your humor. Instead, treat her like your 10 year old sister – be playful and kind. When you have to make a choice, make yourself the butt of a joke, it’s much more endearing, and shows you have the ego strength to handle it.
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Henry: What’s that you’re singing dear?
Julia: I don’t know, is it something?
My Observations: Henry, the husband is noticing for the first time, that when his woman is paid a little attention, her spirit comes alive. Your woman is craving for your attention. This wife has not manipulated the attention being paid to her, she’s being feminine. Remember, in their old neighborhood she was well known, and well liked. Her feminine spirit opens people up. Notice though, when a woman comes alive, she’s brighter, more energetic, more alive, more vibrant, more attractive – and she doesn’t even notice it at first.
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Henry: I like to watch your brushing your hair.
Julia: Is that a compliment?
Henry: You’re so capable … everything you do is so, capable.
My comment:Â Dooough! Has it been so long since you’ve flirted with your wife Henry that you forgot how? Did you stop flirting after you got married? Are there more important things to do than romance your wife? You dolt! Let’s take a walk, Henry, I need to teach you a few dozen things.
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Henry: If there’s anything I pride myself in, it’s that we live a well-ordered life.
My rantings: Dooooough! Henry! Don’t make me open this can of whup-ass! You pride yourself in a well-ordered life? Ohmygawd Henry, your wife wants to be part of an adventure, of a life spent in something larger than herself. She wants to be your love, not your nanny. We’ve got some learning to do here Henry, are you teachable. You can have her responding to your touch, and your voice in quick time, if you’re willing to learn the secrets of romance.
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Henry needs some help here. He’s about to sink even lower. I need an aspirin. Follow along in part 3.
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