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"My heart was shattered. Your devotion and grace not only renewed my life, it renewed my relationship with God."

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What Dancing With The Stars Can Teach Us About Masculinity (part 3)

Nov 07, 2012
Woman at left is painter Suzanne ValadonHe sees her, or maybe she caught his eye. He’s attracted and moves to her, their hearts begin to pound. He probably has no idea what it is he’ll say next, he’s a man on a mission. “Would you like to dance?”  he asks, and thankfully she accepts. Game on.
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Gentlemen – from this moment on you are the lead, she is the follower. If you give her a good lead, she will feel safe with you. It is your job to keep her interested, so learn to get past the basics. Wether it is in conversation, dance or building a relationship, have a road map in mind as to where this might go. Are you a “player” or are you in it for love? Be honest with yourself, and clear with her. Your young relationship will progress along some pretty predictable lines. Contact me and I’ll help you navigate your way.
One of the first ways a woman knows she is safe with you is that you establish and maintain a strong frame. You connect with your partner in reliable ways. She knows where your arm is so she doesn’t lose her balance. She knows where your hands are so she doesn’t have to constantly fend off your octopus-like advances. Likewise, there are certain things a woman does that is rather cute to you, and then there are deal-breakers, and things this woman does that you won’t put up with. Be honest with yourself and her about what you will and will not put up with. Remember, no matter how gorgeous a woman is, there is some guy somewhere who won’t put up with her actions. Maintain a strong frame in dancing and in relationship and be consistent.
Do what you say you’ll do. This is one way she knows you hold a strong frame. Do what you say you’ll do. Be true to your word. She’ll respect you for it.
It’s your lead. Your dance partner will do what you tell her to do. Give her clear signals. When there is a mix up on the dance floor it’s usually because his signal wasn’t clear or strong enough. I have found it better to accept responsibility when there is confusion on the dance floor. If she didn’t execute the move, assume it was your fault. In doing this, you’ll spare her ego, and motivate yourself to be more clear and strong the next time.
Keep an eye on her. Know where she is. Don’t get so lost in your moves, or your anxiety, or your fatigue that you lose track of where she is or where her energy level is. Keeping an eye on the girl is a great way to stay connected with her throughout the dance, and into the relationship. Pay attention to her body signals and you’ll know when it’s time to leave the party while she still has energy. Paying attention to her body will speak volumes to you about how aroused she is for romance. A man will increase his chances of total success if he pays attention to her body signals, and takes the appropriate action to protect her energy.
Great lessons from the world of Ballroom Dance for the success of your relationship. If you have questions, leave a comment.
Ball gown and tailcoat are always worn when da...

Ball gown and tailcoat are always worn when dancing competitively. This couple are dancing an international standard tango. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What Dancing With the Stars Can Teach Us About Masculinity (part 2)

Jul 15, 2012 Dancing with the Stars: We Dance! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Dancing has taught me some amazing lessons about relationships, I’ll share a few of these lessons with you here and in and future blogs.

Dancing begins with a good approach.

The invitation to dance is a man’s invitation for a woman to come out of the world of women and join him in a world of magic.

How many teenage boys pull up in front of their girlfriend’s home and honk? Does that still happen? Really? I know a guy who proposed to his wife by texting – “Wanna do it? Get married?”  – They laugh about it now (thank God she’s laughing) because that’s a pretty lame proposal, possibly the worst proposal I’ve heard about.

When a man approaches for a dance, he extends a hand, an invitation to join him. In the Tango however, it’s manhood on steroids. The man makes eye contact first, from across the room. He says with his eyes, “I want you. Yes, you. I want you to dance with me.” – then he approaches. His hand extended, expecting her to come out from the female pack and be with him. I mean really BE WITH him. The Tango is intensely romantic. The Tango Dancer is an Alpha Male, and she knows it. The Tango is a hot dance.

Many men are afraid to approach a woman they are attracted to. We call it “Approach Anxiety” – and it’s something I help men overcome if they are to realize their worth and value to women.

It’s about the dance, and the dance is about strength and beauty. Strength and Beauty contain the goodness of Love.

 

 

 

Slow Wet Kisses

Feb 06, 2012
Cover of "Bull Durham"

Cover of Bull Durham

Sometimes a kiss is not just a kiss. Actor Kevin Costner portrays an aspiring ballplayer in the movie Bull Durham. He tells his female lead, Susan Surandon, that what he believes in is … slow, wet, kisses that last two days.

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At that moment, the entire female audience went into a deep, romantic trance.

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Who can blame them? What Costner has said goes deep into a woman’s soul. Most women get a glassy eyed stare in their eyes when they hear him say this, and are then left dazed and entranced.

Want proof men? Contemplate what Costner says, and say the same thing to your woman in the same way and see what kind of response you get. After their eyes refocus and they start breathing again you’ll know what you have to do.

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Kiss every part of her, not just her mouth. Kiss her body, soul and spirit.

Kiss her Body: Be creative in finding new places to kiss… behind the neck, the side of the neck, kiss her forearms, and softly kiss her belly. Be inventive. Learn where your woman likes to be kissed and kiss her there.

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A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.  ~Clare Whiting

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I am in favor of preserving the French habit of kissing ladies’ hands – after all, one must start somewhere.  ~Sacha Guitry

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Kiss her Soul: The soul is made up of mind, will and emotions. You kiss her soul when you respect her ideas, and really, really listen to her. Care about her emotions, and ask her what she wants. This is how a man kisses a woman’s soul.

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Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.  ~Albert Einstein

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Once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul thro’
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

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Kiss her Spirit: Men, nurture her spirit. Lead her spiritually. Nourish her creativity. Support her connection to nature. Find the things that bring your woman alive, and encourage her to do those things.

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‘Twas not my lips you kissed
But my soul
~Judy Garland

THE SECRET WAR ON WOMEN

Mar 29, 2011

 

Playing Dress Up

Playing Dress Up (Photo credit: ohsohappytogether)

The Secret War on Women

 

Women have been fighting a secret war in America without air support, adequate supplies and masculine support. Morale to fight back is at an all time low.

 

The war women face daily centers on their Body Image. Body Image is how a person feels about their body. A good body image reflects a woman filled with confidence, which men say is the most attractive feature of a woman.

 

The media continually sets unrealistic standards for weight, appearance and aging. Constant exposure to media images of unrealistic women produces depression, low self-esteem, insecurity, jealousy, cosmetic surgeries and unhealthy eating habits.

 

80-90% of American women are dissatisfied with their looks. 1 in 4 women use unhealthy weight control. 1 in 6 women have been sexually assaulted and many hide their beauty to protect themselves from attracting another assault. They spiral between feeling dowdy and using unhealthy means to control their appearance. 90% of dieters regain the weight they lose, and the diet industry is now a 100 Billion dollar a year industry.

 

The typical woman sees 400-600 media images a day, hears testimonies and reads articles about surgery, cosmetics, diet and aging. These picture essays are strategically sandwiched between articles of how they need these products to be relationally attractive. The media ignores the truth that people are attracted for a variety of reasons including intelligence, talent, empathy, faith and a sense of humor.

 

Todays ideal woman is portrayed as thin, big chested and flawless. Eating disorders have increased 400% since 1970 and the mortality rate is still 50%. Women are unfairly frightened of aging. No one is taught that as women age they can become more beautiful in deeper, more sensual and loving ways.

 

Instead, the corporations are there to sell frightened girls the products they now believe they need to achieve this fantasy level of happiness. It’s a covert war for dollars, greed is the motive and women’s self esteem is the casualty. The younger generation doesn’t have a choice to be influenced or not, their choice was made for them by corporate avarice.

 

Women long to reveal beauty, first in themselves then in the source of their beauty: the God who created them. Together we must wake up a nation being led into the suppression of a woman’s true beauty.

 

SOMETHING EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEX

Mar 25, 2011

 

aren't they cute?

aren’t they cute? (Photo credit: Napoléon et la bêtise)

I love to talk with people about sex. By sex, I mean real sex – intimate connections between lovers who share a deep, honest and close relationship. The times when two souls are reflected through their eyes, and their bodies touch with an excitement and arousal that is born anew every time. For the lover, every time they undress, it is as if it were the first time. They continually rediscover they are naked and not ashamed.

Sex is a heightened awareness of being alive, and of being together in this aliveness. This is why eros makes us feel so alive. It’s a language of be-ing together. Sexuality is an intimate language spoken between two adults. Lovers enter a mystery where conveying what they celebrate in the other will amplify their own pleasure. In desiring the other, their hunger intensifies the responsiveness of the other. Lovers feel a mysterious participation in something much larger than themselves. Most report an oceanic oneness when they are making love. Time is distorted, the world outside of themselves disappears. They are in a lover’s trance. An erotic altered state.

Lovers speak a language deeper than words. They communicate with sounds and movements and gazes far beyond what words and syntax could possibly convey. When sensual intimacy is uninhibited it becomes a bond which cements the lovers together against all odds. Love finds new ways to liberate the imprisoned heart. When sex is expressed with another, we often end up discovering our own hearts in ways we never knew were possible.

Which is why those who have hidden their hearts from love’s ultimate conversation have limited their capacity to communicate. Those who have separated their body from their soul, find their connections with others to be restricted and lacking in vitality.

Sex is not for the childish. This is why those who ignore the desires of their hearts can miss out on the life they were given. Every reader of this blog must understand, sex alone is not life, it only points to life. Everyone should know that sex can be an immensely spiritual encounter, leading us to see, hear and taste a life that extends far beyond the bedroom.

THE LADY IS A GODDESS – Part 2

Mar 07, 2011

“The Lady is a goddess”

Part 2

Review from part 1:

  • All women are potential goddesses
  • A goddess is a spiritual person
  • A goddess gives life
  • A goddess inspires

A goddess shows her appreciation

A woman who shows appreciation for the men in her life will never be at a lack for male attention. Allow me to illustrate…

In the classic Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” George Bailey has just dished away his honeymoon money to save the town from falling under the miserly hands of the greedy bank owner. He’s done a good thing, but now he has nothing, no honeymoon, no money. He didn’t take his bride on a honeymoon, and doesn’t know how she’s reacting. Will she understand how he followed his heart, or will she be angry he messed up their special time together?

His friend, Ernie, the cab driver is instructed to pick him up at the end of the day and takes him to the old run down home, the newlyweds used to dream about owning when they were teenagers. It’s pouring rain, the rickety place is full of leaks, they have no electricity, it’s in awful shape.  His new bride, Mary, again shows the kind of character she is made of. She has transformed the living room into a couple’s hideaway. She has salvaged a bad situation.

Candles illumine the dingy dwelling. A chicken is roasting in the fireplace, the rotisserie turning by the spin of the record player. The music is romantic. The settings are meager. She is in the dress she would have worn on their honeymoon is a vision of beauty for George to lay eyes on. At his lowest moment, she shows she loves him and believes in him. His response? He kisses her with passion.

If he’s a good man, and I think he is, he will honor this woman all the days of his life.

A woman who shows appreciation for men in spite of all the dopey things we do, and because of all the cool stuff we do, is truly on her way to being a legendary goddess. She will have no end of men wanting to give her attention.

Most importantly, the definitive quality that separates mere mortals from divine goddesses…

A goddess is sensual

A goddess is a woman who is comfortable in her skin. She is a woman fully alive to her body. She takes responsibility for her own sexual pleasure.

A woman fully alive is a glorious creature, fully divine, and is fully aware of her sensuality.

By this I do not mean she is barely clothed, sexy and slinky like a plastic “Barbie” doll or Hollywood icon. What is meant is that she is inspires men, appreciates men, understands men. A sensual woman is aware of being a sensual woman. She has the power to move people to action. After all, men fought wars over women, wrote songs, painted paintings, won competitions for women. Women are incredibly powerful in society.

Every woman of any age, race, size or heritage can be this kind of sensual. Every woman has the potential for being a goddess. That so few women have taken the time to explore their divine femininity is why I raise our consciousness around women’s issues whenever I have a platform for doing so.

A goddess is a messenger

A classy woman knows there is a spiritual beauty much greater than she can possess. Yes, she draws her man to her, she inspires him, arouses him, but she knows she is only a beautiful reflection of the great and ultimate reality. There is One who is the creator of beauty. She connects her men to the spiritual source of all beauty.

The awareness of being a messenger of ultimate beauty gives her confidence as she ages. As a woman gets older she becomes more, and more beautiful to the men who value the beauty of a woman’s heart.

There’s so much more to say about being a goddess, if you want me to continue just let me know, I’d be happy to.

I would love to hear your experiences with goddesses. Please write and tell me about the women you know who qualify as goddesses and tell us how women have clearly missed their goddess calling. Writing to me gives me permission to print your story, and respond to you.

THE LADY IS A GODDESS – Part 1

Mar 05, 2011
Meg Ryan

Meg Ryan (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

The Lady is a Goddess

Part 1

All women are potential goddesses

Women are the hot topic, they always are. I love talking to women and about women. I was interviewed by my friend, Gail for her radio program. We had a stimulating interview about honoring the women in our lives. The broadcast has been added to the website so you can hear the entire show. (Gail Bongalis at the Universal Hope Radio – www.sqr.fm)

Gail led the interview with an interesting question. Some people in the church have had a problem with the term goddess. How can we describe a woman as a goddess in ways that are comfortable to the people cautious with New Age terms. Crud (the nice version of “oh crap.”) I had gotten out of touch with that possibility. The circles I move in are so comfortable with the term, I had forgotten others were still uncomfortable with the term. I didn’t mean to become insensitive, I had simply become comfortable with my own use of the term. It was a good question on her part, and sensitive to those uncomfortable with the term. So we talked about what it means to refer to women as goddesses. I am adding thoughts here that I did not elaborate on the radio.

A goddess is a spiritual being

The term goddess is used to recognize the spiritual nature of a woman. A woman has a spiritual body as well as a physical and mental body. Ancient wisdom tells us… God has made everything beautiful…He has set eternity in their hearts…yet they could not understand Him. Not a New Age concept at all. A woman’s spirit connects her to eternity. If a man pursues a woman, the discovery will lead him to the heart of God.

Spirit is the energy source of a woman’s beauty and allure. She is captivating to men. She is energy he needs; he could spend a lifetime getting to know her. She is always new to him, if he sees the adventure in knowing her. Every morning is a new day to discover more about the women in a man’s life.

In the movie “City of Angels” the human (Meg Ryan) offers the Angel (Nicholas Cage) a piece of fruit, a peach I think it was. What does it taste like he asks, and she offers him a bite. But he wants to know what it tastes like to her. That captures the intrigue a man could have with a woman – what does it taste like to you? What does it feel like to you? Look like to you? I want to know you, and your experience of life. This is good romance baby.

A goddess gives life

In every faith, culture, time and location in the world, women are referred to as “life-bearers.” Something men have yet to do. Not only do women give birth to a life that can exist outside their bodies, women are also connected to everything in their environment and give life by creating and revealing beauty wherever they are. They paint, clean, decorate, beautify, spruce, nest, nurture, re-arrange, and basically make wherever they are into a home. Most bachelors can live just fine with bare walls for months, bring a woman into the mix and within days she has art on the walls, color, plants and good smells in his place.

A goddess inspires both men and women

Women are created to be noticed. Women crave to be seen and enjoyed. Their presence disrupts the masculine egocentrism, and this is good. Even the most professional woman will not tolerate being ignored. Women interrupt the self-centerness of the masculine energy and remind men to celebrate life.

The feminine allure entices and inspires men to great heights of courage, bravery and self sacrifice. A woman, when she is a goddess becomes a muse, inspiring men to greater acts of creation than if left to his own inspiration.

No man is safe from the beauty inherent in the female. Every woman has the potential to be noticed by men in a very good way. By design, a woman is creative, generous, curvaceous, relational. Women are radiant, alluring, and sensual. They radiate life, and men are drawn to the life women offer them. A true goddess directs men to the source of life

Women can make the worst conditions tolerable because of their presence, and how they relate to the world around them. A goddess never hides beauty, hers or others. She encourages other women to shine brightly, making room for all women to share the attention. She lives to affirm that all women have the possibility of being creative, fascinating and captivating.

This blog is getting longer than I thought. Let me hold us here, and finish in my next blog. If the readers have any thoughts to add, send them to me, all responses are welcomed. You may have additional insight to tell me about, add personal stories about the incredible nature of women, and you may have a differing view you want to talk to me about. Writing to me gives me permission to print your story, and respond to you.

Dr. Jones

SACRED SEXUALITY

Jan 07, 2011

Sex awakens our spirit. I speak to you of a mystery being revealed: though it has been with you from the day of your birth, it existed before you were born. You can always understand more of it, but will never understand all of it. What is it? … your sexuality. This is not a mystery hidden from us, but graciously revealed to us. Sacred Sexuality is this mystery revealed to us.

Sexuality is the deepest reality about God and humans. Sex is incredibly important to God, and essential to us. Male & Female together reflect the nature of God. Sexuality reflects the core identity of God.

When sexual connection is broken it is the most painful experience in human existence. The pain of broken relationship is the core pain that drives the addictive appetite. Sex trafficking has surpassed Drug trafficking, social networking only surpassed sex searches in the internet this month. The porn industry took an 80% reduction because the internet is flooded with people putting personal sex videos on the internet for others to see. 85% of American women are dissatisfied with the romance they are receiving, and most men won’t take the time to learn how to be more intimate. There’s no question about it, sex is broken.

My work at the Aspen Center seeks to address the guilt and shame that surround sex for most people. We want to bring Heaven into the Earthly experience of sexual intimacy.

Sacred Sex is for romantics. Sacred Sex is about being fully alive, about saying “Yes” to everything God says about your life. We honor God in all that we do. We encourage men to bring their strength to their relationships, and women to bring out their inner beauty in the security of men who honor and protect them. We seek to restore Heavenly sexuality to those who have been abused, hurt, rejected, shamed and ignored. We seek to restore freedom and dignity to those who have been hurt. Ours is a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere of growth.