From the Sex Stats file: one survey of women in Cosmopolitan magazine said that foreplay usually lasts 14 to 17 minutes for the average couple, and that the man typically reaches his orgasm after six minutes of, well, you know… being together.
I say, what???!
That’s outrageous. The couples I coach in the romantic arts are making love for 2, 4 & 6 hours. Average of 2 hours, and they love it. They love each other.
Sure, quickies are fun, they are like punctuation to a sentence. But, being able to be together longer is what makes quickies satisfying.
Influence of Pornography
Internet porn is putting XXX theaters out of business.
Sex is without a doubt the #1 searced-for topic on the internet. 60 million people in the U.S. purposely visit internet porn sites. 32 million women visited at least one pornography website out of curiosity. 87% of university students have virtual sex, using an instant messenger, webcam and telephone.
Pornography is rampant in today’s world. In fact, it has become one of the leading industries in the US. Many look at it as just another business, but pornography has ended up taking away the mystery of sexuality from people. Sex can be an incredibly spiritual act, but with thousands upon thousands of pornographic videos available on the internet the intimacy from a sexual relationship is disappearing.
Many people have lost touch with their sexuality. Women often complain about the romance that is not present in their lives. Men are not intimate enough. The problem is not just with pornography. Representation of sexual behavior has been found in various cultures, and it dates many centuries back. Kama Sutra is a famous example of erotic literature. However, it was used as an educational tool, teaching on the finer arts of wine, fashion, and other cultural virtues, whereas pornography is mainly a tool for sexual excitement today.
Often people get addicted to internet pornography leading to various issues in their professional and personal life. They forget the joy that romance can bring into their life. They forget the beauty of an intimate sexual relationship. Sexual explicitness has always been a part of the human culture, but it manifests itself as pornography as the present day world prohibits such explicitness. People tend to watch pornography because they feel better, but they should also remember that it cannot replace a healthy sexual relationship.
In the next article about Pornography, I’ll tell you how amateur porn took 80% of the internet profits from them.
As the “dis-easing” of American women continues, the world health community offered funding for research on a female orgasm pill, they raised the flag, and the race was on. There’s big money to be made here. With the discovery of every disease, there is always a community of people ready to make some serious money. There will be pharmaceuticals dedicated to Female Orgasm, (as there should be), and there will be pharmaceuticals for the non-orgasmic (as there should be). (If a woman is slipped a “Micky” when she isn’t looking would it then be called a “Minnie?” – I’m just sayin’.) There will be books written, conferences given, professional talks given, and opinions debated. There is a film already made called “Orgasm” which will be coming to a theater near you. (Apologies offered for the cheap pun.) There will be therapies offered, support groups generated, and more self-help books written. The gurus of gyno’s will come forward and the world will be a happier place until the next disease is identified.
The men will certainly get behind this issue because, when their woman is happy… everybody’s happy. And this new issue let’s a lot of men off the hook. If the women take responsibility for all the bedroom problems, we men get to be the compassionate, sympathetic, supporters of our suffering women, when we caused a lot of this problem by not being willing to learn about our sexuality when we had the chance. After all, how many classes are there for men on how to be a lover with a slow hand? The national average time it takes a man to go from foreplay to conclusion is 20 minutes. So, how many classes are there for men on how to make love for 2, 4 and 6 hours at a time? It is certainly possible for couples to enjoy making love for an average of 2 hours a time. (Quickies are also welcomed and enjoyed.)
I certainly encourage women to take responsibility for their own bodies, and their own orgasms, (I was going to say there were no “butts” here, but this pun thing is getting out of my control.) I certainly encourage women to take responsibility for their own bodies, AND their own orgasms, period. AND… it is our masculine responsibility to treat women like the Goddesses they are in and out of the bedroom. It is our responsibility to continually be the best boyfriend, husband, lover and friend we can be.
I love to talk with people about sex. By sex, I mean real sex – intimate connections between lovers who share a deep, honest and close relationship. The times when two souls are reflected through their eyes, and their bodies touch with an excitement and arousal that is born anew every time. For the lover, every time they undress, it is as if it were the first time. They continually rediscover they are naked and not ashamed.
Sex is a heightened awareness of being alive, and of being together in this aliveness. This is why eros makes us feel so alive. It’s a language of be-ing together. Sexuality is an intimate language spoken between two adults. Lovers enter a mystery where conveying what they celebrate in the other will amplify their own pleasure. In desiring the other, their hunger intensifies the responsiveness of the other. Lovers feel a mysterious participation in something much larger than themselves. Most report an oceanic oneness when they are making love. Time is distorted, the world outside of themselves disappears. They are in a lover’s trance. An erotic altered state.
Lovers speak a language deeper than words. They communicate with sounds and movements and gazes far beyond what words and syntax could possibly convey. When sensual intimacy is uninhibited it becomes a bond which cements the lovers together against all odds. Love finds new ways to liberate the imprisoned heart. When sex is expressed with another, we often end up discovering our own hearts in ways we never knew were possible.
Which is why those who have hidden their hearts from love’s ultimate conversation have limited their capacity to communicate. Those who have separated their body from their soul, find their connections with others to be restricted and lacking in vitality.
Sex is not for the childish. This is why those who ignore the desires of their hearts can miss out on the life they were given. Every reader of this blog must understand, sex alone is not life, it only points to life. Everyone should know that sex can be an immensely spiritual encounter, leading us to see, hear and taste a life that extends far beyond the bedroom.
Review from part 1:
- All women are potential goddesses
- A goddess is a spiritual person
- A goddess gives life
- A goddess inspires
A goddess shows her appreciation
A woman who shows appreciation for the men in her life will never be at a lack for male attention. Allow me to illustrate…
In the classic Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” George Bailey has just dished away his honeymoon money to save the town from falling under the miserly hands of the greedy bank owner. He’s done a good thing, but now he has nothing, no honeymoon, no money. He didn’t take his bride on a honeymoon, and doesn’t know how she’s reacting. Will she understand how he followed his heart, or will she be angry he messed up their special time together?
His friend, Ernie, the cab driver is instructed to pick him up at the end of the day and takes him to the old run down home, the newlyweds used to dream about owning when they were teenagers. It’s pouring rain, the rickety place is full of leaks, they have no electricity, it’s in awful shape. His new bride, Mary, again shows the kind of character she is made of. She has transformed the living room into a couple’s hideaway. She has salvaged a bad situation.
Candles illumine the dingy dwelling. A chicken is roasting in the fireplace, the rotisserie turning by the spin of the record player. The music is romantic. The settings are meager. She is in the dress she would have worn on their honeymoon is a vision of beauty for George to lay eyes on. At his lowest moment, she shows she loves him and believes in him. His response? He kisses her with passion.
If he’s a good man, and I think he is, he will honor this woman all the days of his life.
A woman who shows appreciation for men in spite of all the dopey things we do, and because of all the cool stuff we do, is truly on her way to being a legendary goddess. She will have no end of men wanting to give her attention.
Most importantly, the definitive quality that separates mere mortals from divine goddesses…
A goddess is sensual
A goddess is a woman who is comfortable in her skin. She is a woman fully alive to her body. She takes responsibility for her own sexual pleasure.
A woman fully alive is a glorious creature, fully divine, and is fully aware of her sensuality.
By this I do not mean she is barely clothed, sexy and slinky like a plastic “Barbie” doll or Hollywood icon. What is meant is that she is inspires men, appreciates men, understands men. A sensual woman is aware of being a sensual woman. She has the power to move people to action. After all, men fought wars over women, wrote songs, painted paintings, won competitions for women. Women are incredibly powerful in society.
Every woman of any age, race, size or heritage can be this kind of sensual. Every woman has the potential for being a goddess. That so few women have taken the time to explore their divine femininity is why I raise our consciousness around women’s issues whenever I have a platform for doing so.
A goddess is a messenger
A classy woman knows there is a spiritual beauty much greater than she can possess. Yes, she draws her man to her, she inspires him, arouses him, but she knows she is only a beautiful reflection of the great and ultimate reality. There is One who is the creator of beauty. She connects her men to the spiritual source of all beauty.
The awareness of being a messenger of ultimate beauty gives her confidence as she ages. As a woman gets older she becomes more, and more beautiful to the men who value the beauty of a woman’s heart.
There’s so much more to say about being a goddess, if you want me to continue just let me know, I’d be happy to.
I would love to hear your experiences with goddesses. Please write and tell me about the women you know who qualify as goddesses and tell us how women have clearly missed their goddess calling. Writing to me gives me permission to print your story, and respond to you.
The Lady is a Goddess
All women are potential goddesses
Women are the hot topic, they always are. I love talking to women and about women. I was interviewed by my friend, Gail for her radio program. We had a stimulating interview about honoring the women in our lives. The broadcast has been added to the website so you can hear the entire show. (Gail Bongalis at the Universal Hope Radio – www.sqr.fm)
Gail led the interview with an interesting question. Some people in the church have had a problem with the term goddess. How can we describe a woman as a goddess in ways that are comfortable to the people cautious with New Age terms. Crud (the nice version of “oh crap.”) I had gotten out of touch with that possibility. The circles I move in are so comfortable with the term, I had forgotten others were still uncomfortable with the term. I didn’t mean to become insensitive, I had simply become comfortable with my own use of the term. It was a good question on her part, and sensitive to those uncomfortable with the term. So we talked about what it means to refer to women as goddesses. I am adding thoughts here that I did not elaborate on the radio.
A goddess is a spiritual being
The term goddess is used to recognize the spiritual nature of a woman. A woman has a spiritual body as well as a physical and mental body. Ancient wisdom tells us… God has made everything beautiful…He has set eternity in their hearts…yet they could not understand Him. Not a New Age concept at all. A woman’s spirit connects her to eternity. If a man pursues a woman, the discovery will lead him to the heart of God.
Spirit is the energy source of a woman’s beauty and allure. She is captivating to men. She is energy he needs; he could spend a lifetime getting to know her. She is always new to him, if he sees the adventure in knowing her. Every morning is a new day to discover more about the women in a man’s life.
In the movie “City of Angels” the human (Meg Ryan) offers the Angel (Nicholas Cage) a piece of fruit, a peach I think it was. What does it taste like he asks, and she offers him a bite. But he wants to know what it tastes like to her. That captures the intrigue a man could have with a woman – what does it taste like to you? What does it feel like to you? Look like to you? I want to know you, and your experience of life. This is good romance baby.
A goddess gives life
In every faith, culture, time and location in the world, women are referred to as “life-bearers.” Something men have yet to do. Not only do women give birth to a life that can exist outside their bodies, women are also connected to everything in their environment and give life by creating and revealing beauty wherever they are. They paint, clean, decorate, beautify, spruce, nest, nurture, re-arrange, and basically make wherever they are into a home. Most bachelors can live just fine with bare walls for months, bring a woman into the mix and within days she has art on the walls, color, plants and good smells in his place.
A goddess inspires both men and women
Women are created to be noticed. Women crave to be seen and enjoyed. Their presence disrupts the masculine egocentrism, and this is good. Even the most professional woman will not tolerate being ignored. Women interrupt the self-centerness of the masculine energy and remind men to celebrate life.
The feminine allure entices and inspires men to great heights of courage, bravery and self sacrifice. A woman, when she is a goddess becomes a muse, inspiring men to greater acts of creation than if left to his own inspiration.
No man is safe from the beauty inherent in the female. Every woman has the potential to be noticed by men in a very good way. By design, a woman is creative, generous, curvaceous, relational. Women are radiant, alluring, and sensual. They radiate life, and men are drawn to the life women offer them. A true goddess directs men to the source of life
Women can make the worst conditions tolerable because of their presence, and how they relate to the world around them. A goddess never hides beauty, hers or others. She encourages other women to shine brightly, making room for all women to share the attention. She lives to affirm that all women have the possibility of being creative, fascinating and captivating.
This blog is getting longer than I thought. Let me hold us here, and finish in my next blog. If the readers have any thoughts to add, send them to me, all responses are welcomed. You may have additional insight to tell me about, add personal stories about the incredible nature of women, and you may have a differing view you want to talk to me about. Writing to me gives me permission to print your story, and respond to you.
Sex awakens our spirit. I speak to you of a mystery being revealed: though it has been with you from the day of your birth, it existed before you were born. You can always understand more of it, but will never understand all of it. What is it? … your sexuality. This is not a mystery hidden from us, but graciously revealed to us. Sacred Sexuality is this mystery revealed to us.
Sexuality is the deepest reality about God and humans. Sex is incredibly important to God, and essential to us. Male & Female together reflect the nature of God. Sexuality reflects the core identity of God.
When sexual connection is broken it is the most painful experience in human existence. The pain of broken relationship is the core pain that drives the addictive appetite. Sex trafficking has surpassed Drug trafficking, social networking only surpassed sex searches in the internet this month. The porn industry took an 80% reduction because the internet is flooded with people putting personal sex videos on the internet for others to see. 85% of American women are dissatisfied with the romance they are receiving, and most men won’t take the time to learn how to be more intimate. There’s no question about it, sex is broken.
My work at the Aspen Center seeks to address the guilt and shame that surround sex for most people. We want to bring Heaven into the Earthly experience of sexual intimacy.
Sacred Sex is for romantics. Sacred Sex is about being fully alive, about saying “Yes” to everything God says about your life. We honor God in all that we do. We encourage men to bring their strength to their relationships, and women to bring out their inner beauty in the security of men who honor and protect them. We seek to restore Heavenly sexuality to those who have been abused, hurt, rejected, shamed and ignored. We seek to restore freedom and dignity to those who have been hurt. Ours is a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere of growth.