(part 3) Angel in Love: Lessons on being the Romantic Man. Cary Grant is Dudley the Angel in the movie, The Bishop’s Wife.
Dudley: (is on the floor playing with Debbie, the 8 year old girl. He tells her a story…)
My keen observation: Ladies, any man who can bond with a child is good marriage material. If he can bond with a child, he can bond with the child inside a woman. Notice he gets down on Debbie’s level, takes her correction and he knows how to tell a good story.
Dudley: Angels come down and put ideas into people’s heads and then people feel very proud of themselves because they think it was all their idea.
My thought: I have come to believe what Dudley described is the primary way God speaks to humans. God is speaking to us all the time through intuition, pictures, visions, and revelation. If we tune into the flow of our intuition, we’ll enjoy an intimacy with the Divine we’ve never experienced before.
Dudley: … you can tell the story from here, Henry.
Henry: Some other time.
My outraged reaction: Henry! You big duffer! You missed another golden opportunity. Dudley shows you honor by turning the story over to you, and you still have something more important to do than tell your child a story, win the admiration of your wife, and show Dudley you are big enough to cooperate with him instead of compete with him. Men who practice competition with other men only show how jealous and insecure they are.
Julia: It somehow feels wrong to have so much fun.
My thought: Dudley has bought her the hat she’s been admiring, he’s taking her ice skating, they’ve had lunch at her favorite restaurant – this woman is being shown a good time. This is what her husband should be doing to win her heart every week of their marriage. She is safe with Dudley, so this is a good kind of risk for a woman to take with her man. These shared moments will be remembered for the rest of her life. She wants to have these memories with her husband.
Sylvester (Taxi cab driver): …people don’t know where they’re going and they want to get there too fast. Take you two for example, I’d call you unusual. First place, you know your destination but you’re in no hurry to get there. you want to enjoy some scenery en route, and you’re not reluctant to spend an extra four bits for a detour with Mother Nature.
Dudley: Thank you, you are perceptive.
My observation: You had me at: “I’d call you unusual”. Translation: You’re a romantic couple. Thank you – someone noticed. Do you and your woman have a shared destination? Are you taking time along the way, spending time and money to make some memories and take a few detours into the great outdoors?
Dudley to Sylvester: Put on some skates and you’ll find out just how young you are.
Julia to Henry: He made me believe I could skate!
My comment: Dudley believes the best about people. He encourages them to take healthy risks. People feel young and alive with him. They reach for more than they would have if by themselves. Dudley is being good news to people.
Dudley: Sylvester is a noble soul. His children and his children’s children will rise up and call him blessed.
My thought: Dudley shows he is a leader of men because he is not in competition with men. He has the inner security to show honor to another man in front of Julia. He didn’t say this to impress her, he was thinking out loud and she overheard him. Again, his inner thoughts are not secret from her. He has nothing to be ashamed of.
In part 4, Dudley is going to say, what I consider to be one of the most romantic things a man can tell a woman.
True Romantics are Rule-Breakers, and they are Creative, Quirky, Flexible, Observant, Childlike, Thoughtful, Fun, Wacky, and Curious, to name a few.
Romantics “work at being romantic.” Not the hard labor type of work, but like an artist works on a painting, gladly giving it time, effort, planning, thoughtfulness and a little frustration. I wish I could get paid for being a Romantic.
In today’s blog, I borrowed from an extremely talented artist who now lives in Northern California. Her blog on the work of creativity bears repeating.
Lyn Lasneski, Artist
Continued success requires habitual creativity.
This may seem counter-intuitive to some. Creativity isn’t something you can force, so how can you possibly be creative every day? Keep in mind, a habit of creativity doesn’t necessarily guarantee an amazing breakthrough outcome each and every day. It may turn out, especially at first, most days result in creations that aren’t that great, inspiring, creative, or useful. But simply going through the process of creativity helps you become more creative.
Good writers write every day. Good mathematicians do math every day. Good entrepreneurs undertake new projects every day. It’s not necessarily about the result or end product – although ending the day with something significant is nice – but it’s about the process. Getting into the habit of creativity will make you more creative.
1. Set aside some time each day for creative pursuits. It can be about art, business, relationships, or anything you see fit. But be sure you stick to your schedule.
2. Once you set aside a specific time, set the minimum amount of time you’ll spend in this creative session. Going longer is always okay – especially if your creativity really happens to flourish that day – but giving yourself enough time helps solidify the process.
3. Have a specific place for your creativity. Try to find a quiet, calm place. Over time, our bodies will learn to associate that certain room with creativity. This will prime your brain and make your sessions more effective.
4. Come prepared with any items you may need. You may only need a pen and paper, maybe a glass of water, but be sure you have everything you need when you sit down so you do not have to get up in the middle of your creativity.
5. Create. Just try. Go through the process. Some days will seem more successful than others, but every day you do it will be a success if only for the fact that you’re putting yourself through the process.
Spending time each day doing this will get you in the habit of creativity.
As a certified romantic and a Certified Romance Coach, I work at being romantic every week. I wish I could tell you I was thoughtful and romantic every day, but that’s not the situation. I am often distracted by administrative tasks that feel anything but romantic. But, I gladly work at it. Being romantic gives meaning to my life.
In future blogs, I will apply the principles above to the Art of Romance.
Read more from Artist, Lyn Lasneski at the following:
(part 2) Lessons from an Angel (Cary Grant) on being a Romantic Man.
Julia: I never know what to think. I never know when you’re joking or serious.
Dudley: When I’m joking I’m the most serious.
My thought: Being playful and doing the unexpected captures the woman’s interest. Dudley is being wonderfully paradoxical, and has no need to explain himself. The romantic man can keep his woman off balance by being playful and taking her on an adventure. I remind you, do not cover up your chronic anxiety with humor, get a therapist and do the work of coming to peace with yourself. Remember men, the humor is never at her expense. Kid her for sure, but never put her down with your humor. Instead, treat her like your 10 year old sister – be playful and kind. When you have to make a choice, make yourself the butt of a joke, it’s much more endearing, and shows you have the ego strength to handle it.
Henry: What’s that you’re singing dear?
Julia: I don’t know, is it something?
My Observations: Henry, the husband is noticing for the first time, that when his woman is paid a little attention, her spirit comes alive. Your woman is craving for your attention. This wife has not manipulated the attention being paid to her, she’s being feminine. Remember, in their old neighborhood she was well known, and well liked. Her feminine spirit opens people up. Notice though, when a woman comes alive, she’s brighter, more energetic, more alive, more vibrant, more attractive – and she doesn’t even notice it at first.
Henry: I like to watch your brushing your hair.
Julia: Is that a compliment?
Henry: You’re so capable … everything you do is so, capable.
My comment: Dooough! Has it been so long since you’ve flirted with your wife Henry that you forgot how? Did you stop flirting after you got married? Are there more important things to do than romance your wife? You dolt! Let’s take a walk, Henry, I need to teach you a few dozen things.
Henry: If there’s anything I pride myself in, it’s that we live a well-ordered life.
My rantings: Dooooough! Henry! Don’t make me open this can of whup-ass! You pride yourself in a well-ordered life? Ohmygawd Henry, your wife wants to be part of an adventure, of a life spent in something larger than herself. She wants to be your love, not your nanny. We’ve got some learning to do here Henry, are you teachable. You can have her responding to your touch, and your voice in quick time, if you’re willing to learn the secrets of romance.
Henry needs some help here. He’s about to sink even lower. I need an aspirin. Follow along in part 3.
Alert! Angel in Love. Danger, Will Robinson! This is not supposed to happen, but it does. It did in the ‘98 movie City of Angels and before that, in the 1947 movie, The Bishop’s Wife, with Cary Grant and Loretta Young. Cary Grant is an Angel (Dudley), and men, this Angel can teach us a lot about romance if we are open to learning. He is an Alpha Male, and the women are mesmerized by him. I’ve posted some great movie quotes with my comments:
Professor: Where are you from?
Dudley: What would you say if I told you I was from another planet? … Well, we’re all from our own little planet, that’s what makes this life so interesting.
My thought: The man of flirtation and romance is playful. He doesn’t dodge the question, he answers it in a non-conventional way. This breaks out of Julia’s anticipated answer, and captures her attention.
The romantic man is alive to the people around him. He remembers their names, he seeks to understand the planet each person is coming from, he doesn’t judge. He is there to be of assistance whenever He can. He equally serves men and women. It is not beneath him to do a woman’s chore so she can go free to do what she would like to do, especially if she needs to go relax. He is open and attentive to people he meets. He takes time to find out what a woman likes, and what she would like to do, then he seizes the time with her. In this movie he remembers her favorite restaurant, the hat she admires, and the skaters, and he takes action for the woman. He is not desperate for love. He’s secure enough in who he is to be honest about himself.
Dudley: Oh, this will never do…. ladies you’re good friends of Julia’s please join us for some coffee… waiter, bring us three, Benedictines, better make it three Stingers.
Dudley looks all people in the eye, he engages people. He’s taken Julia to her favorite restaurant (he payed attention) and he uses a classic flirtation move of asking to read Julia’s palm. He holds eye contact with Julia, and notice the color of her eyes (green). He is definitely not absorbed in his own anxieties, and he carries no guilty conscience, because he has no selfish agenda. The church ladies at the next table are chatting about how Dudley is holding the Bishop’s wife’s hand, and Julia is distracted. In an awkward situation the masculine energy moves to the battle. Dudley approaches the church ladies and invites the catty, religious women over to the table with he and Julia. He orders three “stingers” for the ladies. He is going to get them a little buzzed. He is awesome! Cary Grant as Dudley is an Alpha Male, a romantic renegade.
It looks like it is going well now, but the Bishop (Henry) is about to reveal he has a very under-developed sense of romance. He is too distracted with his visions of his own glory to care for his woman. Read more in part 2.