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"Raymond, your steadfast commitment to our healing can never be repaid. You are a man with God’s heart."



What Dancing With The Stars Can Teach Us about Masculinity (part 1)

Apr 15, 2012
Ball gown and tailcoat are always worn when da...

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Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance. – ancient proverb

I love this quote. Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance. Love it. When a man becomes a Warrior he is in submission to the realm. Meaning, he gives his all for the protection of the people he has left back at home. He is under submission to a King. He serves the King and the realm.

He is willing to shed blood to protect the realm: his blood or his enemy’s blood. He is willing to give his life to protect his loved ones, and equally willing to do anything he needs to do to stop an invader from having access to his woman.

A man is a protector. He defends those who cannot defend themselves.

But a man who is only a Warrior, who is not balanced by being a Lover, is a man who has become a mere killer. He has become a mercenary. He is willing to fight anybody for any cause, has no people to protect, serves no King. His warrior skills are for hire, he has no honor in who he kills. His warrior abilities are for hire. He has become a paid murderer.

I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Never trust spiritual leader who cannot dance.  ~Mr. Miyagi, The Next Karate Kid, 1994

So, again I tell you – Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance.

It’s a metaphor for saying, unless a warrior is also a lover, do not trust him in battle.

My interest in dancing came before the end of a failed relationship. I secretly began taking dance lessons in an attempt to bolster my leadership in my failing relationship, and increasing the romance and connection between us. My attempts were a failure. I was trying to bolster a sagging relationship.

I stopped the lessons, and didn’t return to dancing for perhaps 10 years. My interest in dancing revived after I went through a season of warrior training, and really understood the heart and spirit of being a warrior.

There comes a time in every man’s life when the community of men speak into a man’s life, giving him what women could not give him. After a time of inviting men to speak truth into my life, my interest in dancing perked up, this time with a legitimate desire to be more of myself. I wasn’t using dance to impress a woman with something I was not. So, I began dancing, and never intend to stop.

More on the lessons learned from dancing in the next installment.

What’s a Man’s Life Worth?

Mar 27, 2012

Cover of "Michael Clayton [Blu-ray]"

Cover of Michael Clayton [Blu-ray

Michael Clayton is a lawyer, and a legal janitor. He’s the “fixer” when something’s gone wrong, and he’s a father. What’s his value? What’s a man’s life worth? What gives meaning to a man’s life? In the gripping movie – Michael Clayton – actor George Clooney is the guy you call when things go wrong, and things have gone terribly wrong for his law firm. After 6 years the top litigator for a chemical company suddenly develops a conscience when he clearly sees the chemical company is wrong, and is destroying the lives of the people. He can’t go through with the legal defense. His law firm now wants him dead.  Is this what my life comes down to? A paycheck for defending a company that is killing people? He asks Clayton.


God designed it that every man would find his work, but his work may not be his fulfillment. Every man must work in life, and every man must give his “gift” to the world. The gift is hidden in the unconscious and must be discovered. Every man must find and give his particular gift to the world. The ancient prophets said, Life is God’s gift to a man, what a man does with it is his gift back to God.


Every man has a gift to give. Even if it takes a lifetime to discover what it is, it is totally fulfilling when he finds it and gives it to the world. “The world” may be just his son, or his family, but every man is valuable to God.


Men are most fulfilled by committing their lives to something larger than themselves. All men are wanting to know what it is that’s worth living for. But only a few will find it. The majority of men will stop looking for their vision-quest, and numb the desire with alcohol, entertainment, control over others or boredom. The majority of men live and die with lives of quiet desperation.


99% of the wives I’ve met has a desire for her husband to find his gift and give it to the world. These women want their man to be happy and fulfilled at what he does. The sense of meaning is crucial to a man. If you haven’t discovered your gift, continue to put yourself in positions where you have to give of yourself. Never settle for a shallow existence. God came to this earth so you would have life, and have it to it’s fullest extent. God has staked his reputation on the line when the ancient historian said,  God is fulfilled by the fullness of a man’s life.