- He sees her, or maybe she caught his eye. He’s attracted and moves to her, their hearts begin to pound. He probably has no idea what it is he’ll say next, he’s a man on a mission. “Would you like to dance?” he asks, and thankfully she accepts. Game on.
- Gentlemen – from this moment on you are the lead, she is the follower. If you give her a good lead, she will feel safe with you. It is your job to keep her interested, so learn to get past the basics. Wether it is in conversation, dance or building a relationship, have a road map in mind as to where this might go. Are you a “player” or are you in it for love? Be honest with yourself, and clear with her. Your young relationship will progress along some pretty predictable lines. Contact me and I’ll help you navigate your way.
Dancing has taught me some amazing lessons about relationships, I’ll share a few of these lessons with you here and in and future blogs.
Dancing begins with a good approach.
The invitation to dance is a man’s invitation for a woman to come out of the world of women and join him in a world of magic.
How many teenage boys pull up in front of their girlfriend’s home and honk? Does that still happen? Really? I know a guy who proposed to his wife by texting – “Wanna do it? Get married?” – They laugh about it now (thank God she’s laughing) because that’s a pretty lame proposal, possibly the worst proposal I’ve heard about.
When a man approaches for a dance, he extends a hand, an invitation to join him. In the Tango however, it’s manhood on steroids. The man makes eye contact first, from across the room. He says with his eyes, “I want you. Yes, you. I want you to dance with me.” – then he approaches. His hand extended, expecting her to come out from the female pack and be with him. I mean really BE WITH him. The Tango is intensely romantic. The Tango Dancer is an Alpha Male, and she knows it. The Tango is a hot dance.
Many men are afraid to approach a woman they are attracted to. We call it “Approach Anxiety” – and it’s something I help men overcome if they are to realize their worth and value to women.
It’s about the dance, and the dance is about strength and beauty. Strength and Beauty contain the goodness of Love.
Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance. – ancient proverb
I love this quote. Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance. Love it. When a man becomes a Warrior he is in submission to the realm. Meaning, he gives his all for the protection of the people he has left back at home. He is under submission to a King. He serves the King and the realm.
He is willing to shed blood to protect the realm: his blood or his enemy’s blood. He is willing to give his life to protect his loved ones, and equally willing to do anything he needs to do to stop an invader from having access to his woman.
A man is a protector. He defends those who cannot defend themselves.
But a man who is only a Warrior, who is not balanced by being a Lover, is a man who has become a mere killer. He has become a mercenary. He is willing to fight anybody for any cause, has no people to protect, serves no King. His warrior skills are for hire, he has no honor in who he kills. His warrior abilities are for hire. He has become a paid murderer.
I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Never trust spiritual leader who cannot dance. ~Mr. Miyagi, The Next Karate Kid, 1994
So, again I tell you – Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance.
It’s a metaphor for saying, unless a warrior is also a lover, do not trust him in battle.
My interest in dancing came before the end of a failed relationship. I secretly began taking dance lessons in an attempt to bolster my leadership in my failing relationship, and increasing the romance and connection between us. My attempts were a failure. I was trying to bolster a sagging relationship.
I stopped the lessons, and didn’t return to dancing for perhaps 10 years. My interest in dancing revived after I went through a season of warrior training, and really understood the heart and spirit of being a warrior.
There comes a time in every man’s life when the community of men speak into a man’s life, giving him what women could not give him. After a time of inviting men to speak truth into my life, my interest in dancing perked up, this time with a legitimate desire to be more of myself. I wasn’t using dance to impress a woman with something I was not. So, I began dancing, and never intend to stop.
More on the lessons learned from dancing in the next installment.
From the Sex Stats file: one survey of women in Cosmopolitan magazine said that foreplay usually lasts 14 to 17 minutes for the average couple, and that the man typically reaches his orgasm after six minutes of, well, you know… being together.
I say, what???!
That’s outrageous. The couples I coach in the romantic arts are making love for 2, 4 & 6 hours. Average of 2 hours, and they love it. They love each other.
Sure, quickies are fun, they are like punctuation to a sentence. But, being able to be together longer is what makes quickies satisfying.