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"Jack and I dated for six years, and it wasn’t until our premarital counseling with you that we became intimately aware of each other. So now with eyes wide open, we will be married in two months."

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What Dancing With The Stars Can Teach Us About Masculinity (part 3)

Nov 07, 2012
Woman at left is painter Suzanne ValadonHe sees her, or maybe she caught his eye. He’s attracted and moves to her, their hearts begin to pound. He probably has no idea what it is he’ll say next, he’s a man on a mission. “Would you like to dance?”  he asks, and thankfully she accepts. Game on.
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Gentlemen – from this moment on you are the lead, she is the follower. If you give her a good lead, she will feel safe with you. It is your job to keep her interested, so learn to get past the basics. Wether it is in conversation, dance or building a relationship, have a road map in mind as to where this might go. Are you a “player” or are you in it for love? Be honest with yourself, and clear with her. Your young relationship will progress along some pretty predictable lines. Contact me and I’ll help you navigate your way.
One of the first ways a woman knows she is safe with you is that you establish and maintain a strong frame. You connect with your partner in reliable ways. She knows where your arm is so she doesn’t lose her balance. She knows where your hands are so she doesn’t have to constantly fend off your octopus-like advances. Likewise, there are certain things a woman does that is rather cute to you, and then there are deal-breakers, and things this woman does that you won’t put up with. Be honest with yourself and her about what you will and will not put up with. Remember, no matter how gorgeous a woman is, there is some guy somewhere who won’t put up with her actions. Maintain a strong frame in dancing and in relationship and be consistent.
Do what you say you’ll do. This is one way she knows you hold a strong frame. Do what you say you’ll do. Be true to your word. She’ll respect you for it.
It’s your lead. Your dance partner will do what you tell her to do. Give her clear signals. When there is a mix up on the dance floor it’s usually because his signal wasn’t clear or strong enough. I have found it better to accept responsibility when there is confusion on the dance floor. If she didn’t execute the move, assume it was your fault. In doing this, you’ll spare her ego, and motivate yourself to be more clear and strong the next time.
Keep an eye on her. Know where she is. Don’t get so lost in your moves, or your anxiety, or your fatigue that you lose track of where she is or where her energy level is. Keeping an eye on the girl is a great way to stay connected with her throughout the dance, and into the relationship. Pay attention to her body signals and you’ll know when it’s time to leave the party while she still has energy. Paying attention to her body will speak volumes to you about how aroused she is for romance. A man will increase his chances of total success if he pays attention to her body signals, and takes the appropriate action to protect her energy.
Great lessons from the world of Ballroom Dance for the success of your relationship. If you have questions, leave a comment.
Ball gown and tailcoat are always worn when da...

Ball gown and tailcoat are always worn when dancing competitively. This couple are dancing an international standard tango. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What Dancing With the Stars Can Teach Us About Masculinity (part 2)

Jul 15, 2012 Dancing with the Stars: We Dance! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Dancing has taught me some amazing lessons about relationships, I’ll share a few of these lessons with you here and in and future blogs.

Dancing begins with a good approach.

The invitation to dance is a man’s invitation for a woman to come out of the world of women and join him in a world of magic.

How many teenage boys pull up in front of their girlfriend’s home and honk? Does that still happen? Really? I know a guy who proposed to his wife by texting – “Wanna do it? Get married?”  – They laugh about it now (thank God she’s laughing) because that’s a pretty lame proposal, possibly the worst proposal I’ve heard about.

When a man approaches for a dance, he extends a hand, an invitation to join him. In the Tango however, it’s manhood on steroids. The man makes eye contact first, from across the room. He says with his eyes, “I want you. Yes, you. I want you to dance with me.” – then he approaches. His hand extended, expecting her to come out from the female pack and be with him. I mean really BE WITH him. The Tango is intensely romantic. The Tango Dancer is an Alpha Male, and she knows it. The Tango is a hot dance.

Many men are afraid to approach a woman they are attracted to. We call it “Approach Anxiety” – and it’s something I help men overcome if they are to realize their worth and value to women.

It’s about the dance, and the dance is about strength and beauty. Strength and Beauty contain the goodness of Love.

 

 

 

What Dancing With The Stars Can Teach Us about Masculinity (part 1)

Apr 15, 2012
Ball gown and tailcoat are always worn when da...

Image via Wikipedia

Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance. – ancient proverb

I love this quote. Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance. Love it. When a man becomes a Warrior he is in submission to the realm. Meaning, he gives his all for the protection of the people he has left back at home. He is under submission to a King. He serves the King and the realm.

He is willing to shed blood to protect the realm: his blood or his enemy’s blood. He is willing to give his life to protect his loved ones, and equally willing to do anything he needs to do to stop an invader from having access to his woman.

A man is a protector. He defends those who cannot defend themselves.

But a man who is only a Warrior, who is not balanced by being a Lover, is a man who has become a mere killer. He has become a mercenary. He is willing to fight anybody for any cause, has no people to protect, serves no King. His warrior skills are for hire, he has no honor in who he kills. His warrior abilities are for hire. He has become a paid murderer.

I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Never trust spiritual leader who cannot dance.  ~Mr. Miyagi, The Next Karate Kid, 1994

So, again I tell you – Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance.

It’s a metaphor for saying, unless a warrior is also a lover, do not trust him in battle.

My interest in dancing came before the end of a failed relationship. I secretly began taking dance lessons in an attempt to bolster my leadership in my failing relationship, and increasing the romance and connection between us. My attempts were a failure. I was trying to bolster a sagging relationship.

I stopped the lessons, and didn’t return to dancing for perhaps 10 years. My interest in dancing revived after I went through a season of warrior training, and really understood the heart and spirit of being a warrior.

There comes a time in every man’s life when the community of men speak into a man’s life, giving him what women could not give him. After a time of inviting men to speak truth into my life, my interest in dancing perked up, this time with a legitimate desire to be more of myself. I wasn’t using dance to impress a woman with something I was not. So, I began dancing, and never intend to stop.

More on the lessons learned from dancing in the next installment.

Sex Stats: 6 minutes…what?

Mar 21, 2012 Image via Wikipedia

From the Sex Stats file: one survey of women in Cosmopolitan magazine said that foreplay usually lasts 14 to 17 minutes for the average couple, and that the man typically reaches his orgasm after six minutes of, well, you know… being together.

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What???!

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I say, what???!

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That’s outrageous. The couples I coach in the romantic arts are making love for 2, 4 & 6 hours. Average of 2 hours, and they love it. They love each other.

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Sure, quickies are fun, they are like punctuation to a sentence. But, being able to be together longer is what makes quickies satisfying.