Obsessive Love is an oxymoron. It is not what it appears to be. Obsessive love is not about love at all, but rather about capturing and controlling another human being. It is a pre-occupation with owning another human being who is physically, spiritually and/or emotionally unavailable.
Perhaps Obsessive Love is a fixation on someone who is already married or in another relationship. Perhaps Obsessive Love is a determination to get someone to love you who is otherwise committed to someone or something else. The would-be lover is usually so starved for attention and affection missing from their childhood they lock onto someone who looks kind to them and off they go, into fantasyland.
It might begin as a friendship but the Obsessive Lover eventually turns the relationship into a living nightmare for the target of the obsessed. The Obsessed will give, and give, and give until they are exhausted or spent, before expecting the target to then take care of them. They demand care from the targeted one, they feel justified in being repaid and rejection feels like a massive insult. The targeted one is getting away! This could never happen, and the Obsessed clamps on.
Tactics used by the Obsessive Lover are repetitive calling, showing up unannounced at the target’s work or home, driving by the target’s home, sending unwanted letters or gifts, stalking or following the target. The Obsessed feels so passionate about their rightness, they feel justified in everything they might do to the target including destroying them so no one else can enjoy them.
Questions to help identify an obsessed stalker in the making:
- Do you have someone in your life who suffocates you emotionally?
- Do they repeatedly try to convince you, you don’t know your own mind or heart? or that they know you better than you know yourself?
- Do they refuse to accept that a relationship is over?
- Is this person’s presence in your life causing you to have nervous symptoms?
- Does this person get more insistent when you tell them it’s really over? Do they get depressed, and moody?
- Does this person spend money on you, buying you cards, gifts and things you didn’t ask for or want?
- Does this person check up on you, spy on you, track your movement?
- Have you become afraid of going anywhere because they might be watching, or show up?
- Are you becoming afraid they might harm themselves, and/or you?
Being the object of Obsessive Love is horrible. It is not flattering, and often turns into a nightmare. If you see the signs above, recognize that you have to get to safety.
- End the obsessive relationship clearly and permanently.
- Return all cards and letters unopened.
- Do not receive, or hang up on their phone calls.
- Do NOT try to reason or argue with them. It only gets you more involved.
- Pray to end all spiritual soul ties.
- Call security guards or police as often as necessary.
- Get a restraining order if necessary.
- Move, change phone numbers if necessary. This situation may continue to escalate.
Consult with an expert to see if there are particular tactics you can use to get yourself and loved ones to safety.